Since Squirt is busy writing “thank you” cards for his birthday gifts, it got me thinking about thank you cards in this day of texting and emails.  (For the record, mom and dad, Squirt thanked you in person, so no formal thank you cards this time.)

Is it tacky to text someone a thank you?  Email it?  Or do we need to send a handwritten note?  When is a personal phone call sufficient?

The answers vary depending on who you are.

My best friend needs a written thank you within a certain amount of time.  That’s the way she is.  Therefore my kids always get their cards to her fast.  She was never forced to write thank you notes.  For whatever reason, she learned really fast how to write them and get them out quick.  She managed to get all her cards out within a week of receiving gifts, even after having twins.  Generally, she expects nothing less in return.  I never want to be the subject of a call where she talks about not getting an acknowledgement for a gift.

My brother’s family could care less about a thank you card as long as you say thank you upon receiving the gift.  Even if you don’t see them in person while opening gifts, I don’t think they really care about notes or not.

So what’s a parent to do?  Force notes or not?  Are we supposed to be mad when children don’t write thank you notes, but still acknowledge you via text or an email?

Personally, I like written thank you notes.  But really, I just like to see the stationery used.  I’m so not a girly girl, but I love paper and stationery.  If not for my love of paper, I would be fine with a text or email.  Or phone call.  As a fan of the phone, I love a thank you phone call.

Recently, I sent a gift to someone I don’t normally just send gifts to.  I received a thank you note written by the recipient, but honestly, I would have much preferred a personal phone call.  But that’s just me.

I’m sure Emily Post would be horrified at the state of thank you notes today.  When my older girls send me a text saying thank you, I am more than happy.  When I send Chelsea a gift, mainly, I want to know she received the gift and that she liked it.  Texting can accomplish that.  The written thank you card is a bonus for me.  And for the record, I always get a text and written thank you from her, even though not necessary.

In my household, thank you notes are a must.  If a gift is mailed, a thank you note must be mailed in return.  When you receive a gift in person (ie from my parents at Christmas or birthdays), you write a note every other year.  My kids generally give a  huge thank you and hug in person which I know mean more than a written note.  However, I like them to practice their thank you notes in writing every so often too.  (Squirt’s notes this year are really good.)

The one thing that doesn’t happen for thank you notes are me writing in the form of the child.  For example, you will never read: “Thank you for my amazing outfit.  My dad thinks I look so pretty in it.” from Baby Z.  She can’t write, scribble or convey her feelings on a gift at this point.  Until she can articulate and write it herself, all thank you notes are from me.  I HATE thank you notes from parents in the form of a kid.  (Unless said parent is quoting the kid, but generally, I don’t think that happens.)  I know I’m in the minority on that one since I receive these all the time.

Want to know what is tackier than not sending a thank you note?  Calling someone or their parents out on the lack of card.  Rude, rude, rude.  Ten times worse than not writing the actual thank you card.  And don’t even act like you are worried the person never got the gift.  That is just a ruse to let the person know you are pissed about not getting a thank you card.

While I was never really taught to write thank you notes, I do a pretty good job with them.  I do have one good story about my notes.  When Lance and I got married, I sent thank you notes to everyone who came to our wedding.  Gift or not.  The wedding was a celebration of our love and gifts weren’t required.  As an added bonus, I sent pictures from the wedding.  Do people still place disposable cameras at tables?   We did and since it was film I had two copies of each roll printed when I developed the pictures.  There were some really good pictures.  While organizing the pictures and thank you cards, I misplaced three thank you cards.  And didn’t realize it until over a year later.  All of these people were friends of Lance.  I felt like the biggest loser.  Because regardless of your feelings on thank you cards, you HAVE to write thank you cards for wedding gifts.

For Today…June 5, 2011

Outside my window…it finally rained this afternoon.  And despite the fact that I was at the pool when the thunder and lightening started, I couldn’t be happier.  I imagine the rest of the city feels pretty much the same way.  I love Houston, but the weather sucks a lot of the time.  No way around that fact.

I am wearing…Snoopy boxers and a blue t-shirt.

I am listening to…an old mix.

I am pondering…this quote from St Therese of Lisieux: “The insight of the most skilled doctors can’t compare to a mother’s heart.”  This is true, I have lived it with my own mother.  I can’t ever forget all I can do for my kids as their mother.  It is amazing to be “their everything” but it’s also scary because I don’t want to make mistakes.

I am praying…for gentleness, guidance, wisdom and peace.  Not always easy ones to achieve.

Did you know…school is out!  I cannot tell you how happy this makes me.  I know, I moan and groan a lot, but I love having my kids home with me where they belong.  I have been looking at the calendar trying to figure out if we can take a “big” vacation and I am already getting manic about August.  It seems like it is already here. Which leads me back to praying for that peace.  That sense of calming down so that I can enjoy my time with the boys.

The closest I can get No David to a corner.

And you can see he takes me so seriously.

Are all my days crazy…Yes and no.  We ran into someone who has known Lance for a while at the grocery store.  We had the four younger ones with us.  Baby Z didn’t want to sit in her car seat, and the boys were OUT OF CONTROL.  Goose landed on the floor four times before I finally put him in the cart.  He is almost 7.  It was one of the few times that I worried what people might be thinking.  By the time we left, I needed a drink.  And got one as soon as I got home.  That was at 12:30 this afternoon.

From the kitchen…menu planned.  I am trying three new recipes this week.  I am also in a baking mood.  Last week I made cinnamon scones.  The whole family loved them.  This week I am trying berry coffee cake.

To be fit and happy…I plan on working out, but No David has decided he doesn’t like the gym anymore.  All of my kids freak out at some point at the gym.  This just isn’t the best time for them to start since it’s going to be really crowded for the summer.

Around the house…my hair.  It sounds gross, and I guess it is.  After you have a baby you generally lose a bunch of hair after a few months.  Since my hair is so thick, the amount of hair around the house is out of control.  Squirt even insinuated that Lola, our dog, should move back inside because I was shedding more than her.

Also around the house…cleaning out that garage because it will be gone in a week.

I am thinking…about birthday plans for my July boys.  Will we have a big party?  Just family?  Goose hasn’t had a party with his friends in over two years so he will probably have a party this year.  I would love to combine the two, but I think Goose would like a Lazer Tag party.  No David will be three, I’m thinking a pool party for him.  Sometimes I feel like the laziest parent when it comes to parties for the kids.

Towards Rhythm and beauty…I think we’re settling into the rhythm that summer brings.  Lazy mornings, lazy nights.  That said, we’re not just doing nothing all day.  In an effort to get No David napping again, I am requiring two hour quiet time during the day.  No David will nap, the older three will read, (with Baby Hulk doing some handwriting too) and narrate what they have read.  Just a bit of Charlotte Mason for the boys.

I am creating…some minimal learning plans for the summer.  I am really interested in Charlotte Mason right now and want to encourage as much reading from quality books.  I have found a couple of “living books” for each of the boys to read.  I just informed Squirt, and he doesn’t seem to mind my plans for him.  🙂  Now to implement the reading plans during the day.

I am grateful for…the laughter of boys, the love they have for each other and their sister, the husband who gave me those kids, a friend who loves my biggest boy so much that she wants him to visit, a son who wants a job, loose teeth, No David and his wild ways and a girl who looks at me when you ask her where her mommy is.

One of my favorite things…No David.  He is not my easiest child.  If you cut his food, he screams.  When he gets hurt, he screams.  He doesn’t sleep much and now wants us to hold his hand so he can fall asleep.  BUT, he is so funny.  Last night, I was driving out to The Woodlands and the other two fell asleep.  Not No David, he amused himself by yelling at the cars on the highway.  He also loves his little sister.  So much so that he picks her up.  By her neck.  How to stop that move.  I am trying to stay calm, but it’s more than a bit dangerous to hold a baby by her neck, you know!

A few plans for the week…the gym, Super Saints, a playdate, Miller’s Outdoor Theater, family time with friends and a romantic dinner.

A picture thought I am sharing…

The other day I was talking to another mom, one who was a little frustrated by her son’s refusal to follow her.  She asked how I get my four year old to follow directions.  I had to laugh.  Then tell her in honestly that often I resort to raising my voice.  My favorite line is “can you hear me?”.  In a really loud and obnoxious voice.  Because more often than I want it comes to that.  My kids just don’t always listen when I talk.  And quite frankly, it doesn’t matter if I whisper, talk normal or yell.

They are kids.  They want what they want and they want it now.  It doesn’t matter what I’m doing at the moment.

And they fight and fuss.  In the month of May, I had about four mornings total where everyone was happy in the morning.  This meant that for twenty-seven days, at least one child screamed and cried to start my day.  As I’ve said before I’m not a fan of crying.  It’s not the sound of crying but rather the act.  It gets on my nerves and annoys me to no end.  But my kids aren’t robots so I deal with crying quite a bit in this house.  Especially from two of them.

Generally it takes all my might not to be smarmy or rude when the inevitable happens.  I want to be the mom who immediately comforts their hurt child instead of saying “if you had listened to me, you wouldn’t have fallen.”  I want to be nice all the time.  It’s just hard because by nature I’m probably a bit cold at times.

I’m working on the virtue of gentleness for this month and more than likely, the rest of  my life.  I read somewhere that St. Francis de Sales literally stopped mid-letter when someone interrupted him.  The person went on to point out that St. Francis de Sales was probably interrupted by adults, people who could wait while he finished what he was doing.

Wow.  That just resonated with me so much.  Yes, he was a saint, but aren’t my kids my means to sanctification.  That sounds so funny typing that.  But I must admit that I am hoping to reach heaven someday and it appears that my family is my path.  There are so many days where I am quite certain I have blown it.  It is too easy to get annoyed every single time my kids cry, ask for something, hit or hurt a siblings’ feelings, interrupt when I’m on the phone, computer and so on.

But I am called to be a mother.  I am called to love no matter what.  I don’t want my kids to think that they annoy me.  Or that I find them to be an inconvenience.  Will they wait at times?  Yes.  But I am working so hard on making sure they know I love doing things for them.  That I don’t regret spending my days with them.  That when I go to lunch, they go too.  And while it’s not everyone’s plan, it is the path I have chosen.

I do get frustrated.  A lot.  But I love my kids so much.  So for them, I am really working on being gentle when they ask for a snack for the 10th time in an hour or cry  because I cut their food instead of leaving it whole.  Basically, I want them to know that they are worth every second of my time.

It’s finals week for Squirt.  Which means lots of heavy sighs and complaints about how stupid finals are.  Oh what a lovely time in our household.  Squirt is an A/B student in the end.  During the middle, he kind of effs off which means he has to do well on his finals to get his A’s/B’s.  ( I CANNOT wait for the day he realizes how much easier life would be if he would just consistently study.)

As Squirt is known to do, he lost one of his study guides.  And of course, it was in a class that he HAS to do well in to get a B.  When I asked him for the review sheet over the weekend to quiz him, he admitted he had lost it.  And guess what?  I DIDN’T lose it.  I remained calm on the outside, while seething on the inside.  As I dropped him off at school  on Tuesday, I instructed him to immediately find his teacher and request another review sheet.

He did,and she turned him down.  Really?  Now I am all for holding kids accountable, (he is still buying all those lost school shirts), I am not considered a cool parent by any means, I’m pretty strict, BUT I want to know what is she thinking?  Here is a kid who took the initiative to ask for another sheet instead of doing nothing.  This is high school, not college.  He is a sophomore, not a junior or senior, and this isn’t an IB class.  So get over yourself.

Sure, if he hadn’t lost his review sheet in the first place, he wouldn’t be in this position, but come on. Thankfully, he found a friend who let him copy relevant information from the sheet so that he had something to study.

Oh how I wish Squirt had it in him to study his ass off and make an A on the final just to show her.  He has the ability, I’m just waiting on the desire.  Maybe a pep talk is in order?  Something like “screw her! Make an A”.

The other night my phone rang at 2 in the morning.  It was already a weird night because the Baby Hulk was having massive night terrors which resulted in him sleeping with us.   He would fall asleep for about twenty minutes, then wake up crying.  This kept me in pretty much a daze.  When the phone rang, I recognized the number and immediately thought it was an emergency.  The person on the other line was a cop, which then made me think the owner of the phone had been arrested.  It turns out the owner had left their phone at a bar and a cop found it.  He was just calling (at 2 am!) to let someone know so that the owner would know where the phone was located.  I wonder how many calls were made before somebody answered.

While I was obviously relieved that nobody was hurt or arrested, I couldn’t fall back asleep.  I spent the next hour worrying if the owner, someone I know really well, had made it home.  If they had been drinking, were they safe, etc.  It was a long night for me.  I finally asked God to just take the burden from me.  I know this sounds really cheesy and despite being someone that prays a lot, loves Catholicism, goes to Mass a lot and so on, asking God to take my burden just isn’t me.  It’s not my personality to really talk like that.  Thankfully, it worked and soon I passed out.

With one thought lingering on my mind…why did I have so many kids?  There is no way I can deal with that kind of worry for the rest of my life.  Because the reality is that it doesn’t ever end.  I have so many people act like it’s easy with Squirt since he’s older than the rest of the kids.  They don’t get it.  (Yet.)  Sure, I don’t have to dress him anymore, (although at times I do have to send him back to change).  We have a whole different set of challenges to face with him.  And the more I think about what he faces as well as the others, the more worried I become.

It would seem I’m going to become really cheesy in my conversations with God if I hope to get any sleep.

For Today…Sunday, May 29, 2011

Outside my window…it’s dark, hot, the sprinkler is running.  Our poor grass shows signs of the heat.  We aren’t the best yard people so the fact that we are watering the yard is a big deal.

I am wearing…a cool shirt, Snoopy boxers and flip flops.  Half of me is ready for bed.

I am listening to…a relatively silent house.  Imagine that.

I am grateful for…ladies brunch with Baby Z, Cindy and Terese, my parents, funny text messages, reminders of why I like certain people, a teenaged son who has shown great courage, the neighborhood pool and the men and women who serve our country.

I am loving…my new pink watch from Jessica.  So excited about this gift.  Thank you again!

I am praying…for grace to be a good parent.  I need that grace.  Sometimes it happens and I get so excited, I literally pat myself on the back.  Then I lose it and have to go to Confession.  I’ve been to Confession a lot.

I am reading…Pretty In Plaid to myself and Runaway Ralph to Goose.  Both are enjoyable, easy reads.

I am creating…lists of summer activities, school goals for next year, lesson plans for next year.  I found some really cool art crafts for the summer that I can’t wait to try out.  And I don’t even like art.

From the learning room…Z week, here we are.  We have made it through the alphabet talking about science, with the exception of maybe two letters that involved something related to social studies.  Over the summer we’ll read and finish Handwriting Without Tears.  We’ll just incorporate Math into everyday life, as it should be at this age.

From the kitchen…I have three meals planned, we have dinner plans Friday night and Saturday night so we need something light during the week.  After tomorrow I’ll be good.

Towards Rhythm and Beauty…I am ready for the change that the end of the year will bring to our house.  I really enjoy the boys in the morning.  I see a smooth transition towards summer.

One of my favorite things…school getting out.  Yes, I cannot wait until this week is over.  My kids are home.  Where they are meant to be.

A few plans for the week…family brunch tomorrow morning with another family, studying for finals with Squirt, (amazing how much Lance and I are learning), play date, Goose’s year end party, lunch for me, dinner with friends, graduation party…I don’t feel like I am slowing down.  How does this happen?

A picture thought I am sharing…

We went to Hyatt Hill Country last weekend.  Pictures to come.  And by pictures, I mean a ton.  Whether you want to see them or not, they are coming.  Until then, I have to say that we had a great weekend.  My kids were awesome, my family was awesome and my dad got stuck with the two early risers making my mornings really enjoyable.  The kids loved spending time with each other and their cousin.  It was nice to just relax with my brother and his wife while watching the kids goof off nonstop.  We are definitely going back.

But not before Lance and I celebrate our anniversary at The Inn at Dos Brisas!  This place looks amazing and has the only Five Star restaurant in the state.  Lance surprised me, and we’re having a tasting, riding horses and taking a cooking class together.  And the casitas!  They look amazing.  I cannot wait.  I love celebrating our anniversary, and Lance has really outdone himself this time.

Yesterday I did the unthinkable…The Baby Hulk came into our room in the middle of the night with a stomachache.  By morning, he had puked.  Just a little.  So I left him at home with Squirt while taking Goose to school.  Only to run home so Lance could leave the show to take Squirt to school.  Found a babysitter, went to Goose’s awards ceremony and came home to find the Baby Hulk at the table eating breakfast. And bouncing off the walls.

I had lunch plans with Chelsea.  I told her the problem, and she wasn’t scared of the Baby Hulk.  So, I took all the kids to lunch praying that the Baby Hulk wouldn’t puke at one of my favorite places.  Then we picked up Goose and got ice cream.  During which I received a text from a friend who was waiting for us at the museum.  I totally forgot to cancel, so off we went to the museum.  Then to their house.  Which I have to say was pretty freaking amazing.  Then home.  And no, I never told the mom about my sick kid from the morning.  This makes me the suckiest parent around, but really, he was fine.  No fever, no other puking.  It was just one of those things.  Right???  (Jenn, I promise I would tell you!)

Speaking of the awards ceremony, Goose’s teacher managed to give me one last eff you when she pronounced our last name incorrectly while giving Goose his award.  I mean, she’s only had him in class for NINE MONTHS.  What the heck?  I don’t know that I can handle one more week of school.

Because despite the fact that all the grades are turned in as of yesterday, the kids still had to do a school project.  Yes, that is right, Goose had a school project that isn’t going to count for a grade.  AT ALL.  Have I mentioned how much I hate school projects?  I am firm believer in kids doing their own work and maybe that’s because I stink at creative thinking that is required of projects.  And I know after seeing some of the projects at school, the parents are doing all the work.  Recently, Lance helped Goose make a diorama of a river.  Even with Lance’s extensive help, it looked like a six year old completed the project.  When we turned it in, it was noticeably different from most of the other projects.  (I told my friend Brian who is an architect that he is going to have to move here to take over projects.)  But back to my point, why hand out a project when it doesn’t even count for a grade?   Maybe next week they can do a research paper for fun.

My five are up: one last thing, I need vacation ideas!  For a family of seven.  With young kids. And we have to drive.  Ideas?

Did you know that Crave had muffins as well as cupcakes?  Me either.  But I can assure you that I will be a staple at that place from now on.  I mean, it’s a muffin, not a cupcake.

My friend Shea came over to visit today and brought me muffins, otherwise known as breakfast cupcakes.  They were so good, I ate them before she had been in the house for ten minutes.  It’s kind of a good thing that she told me that they were for both of us because I would have started picking at hers too.  I highly recommend the gingerbread and lemon blueberry ones.

I have vented quite a bit to her about hand me downs. I have no problem with hand me downs, it’s just the manner in which I receive them.  Like bags full of dirty clothes or broken toys.  Always accompanied by the statement, “throw them away if you don’t like them.”  Cause that’s my job.

If Shea brings me hand me downs, I am fine.  Baby Z now has a basket full of bows that her daughter never even used.  Goose has a new bathing suit and new shirts and my favorite: educational stuff.  Workbooks, magazines and a new game that focuses on spatial reasoning and fine motor skills.  Love it.  Reminds me of Perfection when I was a kid.  This game was practically brand new.  Baby Hulk and I played it nonstop for at least thirty minutes.  Totally counts as school!

Best of all, I was able to spend time with a friend I don’t see nearly enough.  Shea is married to one of Lance’s best friends.  She was in the picture long before me.  We’re lucky that we like each other so much.  Despite the mutual admiration, we don’t see each other but a few times a year.  Now that she’s seen how sweet Baby Z is I am sure she’ll be dying to see me more often.

My sweet little girl, another month has passed.  You are five months old now.  And sweeter than ever.  You have become such a sweet little girl.  All smiles when you wake up, all smiles when you see your brothers, all smiles when I put you in the car, all smiles when you see your Daddy.  Your brothers still fight over you all the time.  It starts early each morning in the car.  The first person you see when I am buckling you into your car seat is Goose.  He immediately starts talking you up, which immediately upsets Baby Hulk because you are not talking to him.  Then No David starts talking and the screaming amongst your brothers begin.  Only Squirt waits a bit before trying to get your attention.

I have now caught No David holding you on three separate occasions.  It’s so sweet to watch him try and calm you down when you do get upset.  Although sometimes he tries to just cover your mouth when other methods fail.  He loves to play next to you and often I find him lying down next to you on the play mat.

You fit in just perfectly with this family.  We love you more than I thought possible, and while this sounds really cheesy, I feel completed connected to you already.  There is nothing better than just holding you and looking into your eyes.  Love you, sweet girl!

Today is Squirt’s birthday.  He is sixteen now.  Yes, I have a sixteen year old boy.  And no, I can’t believe it.  When did this happen?

Squirt, you are now closer to being a man than a boy.  And while overall I like what I see, you have no idea how it scares me to watch you grow older.  To have to watch you experience all that life has to offer makes me sick at times because life isn’t always easy or what we want it to be.  I already hate any girl you date, know that none of them are going to be good enough or sweet enough for you.  Lucky you, I am one of those moms.  I admire the dedication you have for ROTC, your goals for the future with the military.  Yet another thing that scares me and has me praying incessantly for your future.

But it’s the family member that you are that I most admire.  I love your loyalty, I love how you will still hang out with your little brothers, that you generally get bothered when they get in trouble.  Yes, you’re normal and get mad at them, but the pride you have for your brothers is so evident.

And we are just as proud of you.  That saying on your wall, you know the one?  I promise it’s true.  We are so proud of you.  We nag because we know what you are capable of and don’t ever want you to miss out on anything in life by not giving your all.  We will never stop expecting the very best out of you.  And we will always, always have your back.

You have no idea the hurt we felt for you last week.  Truly our hearts were in pain.  You deserve the best from everyone in your life.  You deserve it from us, and I promise to always try to give it to you.  When I fail, I will try harder.  But know that I will do anything I can to make sure nobody hurts you and that you get everything you want in life.

Happy Birthday my oldest son.  God gave me a wonderful gift when he gave you to me.  I hope this year is wonderful for you.  I love you.

And yes, I can finally admit that you are taller than me!  I’ve already posted this picture, but I wanted to do it again because I love it so much and to admit in public that you are taller and not just barely.  Love you, Squirt!