The 10 Habits book I read had a couple of other chapters I really liked.  One chapter on love and another on fear.  I really liked both chapters because they focused on realizing you don’t have control over who your children are, who they will become later in life and what might happen to them.

The author suggested cutting your expectations for your children in half and really loving them without conditions.  She also reinforced how little control we really have over our children.  Especially in who they become.  While we influence our children and are their first teachers, we truly don’t have as much to do with who they are in life as we like to think we do.  I found it helpful as I deal with a teen that doesn’t always find it important to turn in assignments on a regular basis and another child who doesn’t always do what I want academic wise either.

I have a lot more to say on the love chapter, (I have to admit I am the person that really needs to cut expectations), but right now I have to focus on the chapter on fear.

I don’t think there is anything scarier in life than raising kids.  To be responsible for another human is daunting.  It scares me to no end.  I don’t want to mess up.  And that is just the regular stuff.  When you start to factor in outside forces, you can really lose your mind.  There are illnesses, random accidents and the messed up people they will encounter.

Today we encountered one of those outside forces.  Someone broke into our home.  At 10:15 this morning.  Squirt was home and heard the noise.  When he came to see what it was about, the guy had just walked in the house.  He mumbled something and turned and left.

So Squirt being home saved our home from being robbed.  BUT HE WAS HOME!  AND SOMEONE BROKE IN THE HOUSE.

He is fine.

He is fine.

I have repeated this to myself all. day. long.

I have cried.  I have come up with what if’s throughout the day.  None of them end well in my head.  But none of those things happened.  

He is fine.  To be honest, he didn’t even realize right away what had happened.  He thought someone was here to work on the house.  Then realized there wasn’t a car and notified the police.

Anything can happen to our children, and most times we have little control over what happens.  I remember six years ago, they told us they thought Squirt had Cystic Fibrosis.  While not the worst disease you can have, it was pretty grim.  We had no control then.

I trusted in God.  I prayed a lot.  He didn’t have CF.  But while waiting on his genetic test results, my mind went all over the place.

It didn’t do any good to think of all the things that could happen back then and it certainly doesn’t do any good to do that today.  I have to do what I can to protect my house.  (NEW LOCKS, asshole thief!) but I can’t allow this amped up fear to take over.  I will go crazy if I do that.  I have to trust that I can handle anything.  It doesn’t mean I want the worst to happen or that dealing with the worst would be easy, it just means my faith will see me through anything.  I know this.

Tonight, I will pray again.  In thanksgiving that my son is safe.  In thanksgiving that my home is safe.  And for peace of mind.  Even though this was only a small step towards a robbery, a man entered my home today.  In broad daylight.  I need some peace.

The good news in all this?  I didn’t yell once today.  Not even when Squirt failed to smile his best for pictures tonight!

I reread this post.  I realize it doesn’t really flow, but what can I say, I’m a mom who is still a bit freaked out.

I’m outside watching the three youngest boys play a game in which Goose and Baby Hulk ride their scooters and No David throws a ball at them.  It’s not my favorite game, but the mom of four boys in me is trying to keep my mouth shut.  Boys have to be boys and while I don’t understand this game in the least, it is a boy game.  For now, I’ll keep my mouth shut.  Until someone cries.

I took the Baby Hulk, No David and Baby Z to a pumpkin patch today.  I love pumpkins, love pumpkin pictures.  I’ll admit that I dressed the kids today with pictures in mind.  And what happened?  The smiley-est baby around refused to smile.  She wasn’t mad, just interested in chatting to herself nonstop.  We met up with Jenn and brought along our best buddies too.

I think I just found Goose’s first love note to a girl.  He came home today with a card folded and taped together.  He said it was a birthday card.  For a girl!  All taped up seems very suspicious to me.

St. Gerard is the patron of expectant mothers as well as those trying to conceive children.  He’s very special to us.  After my third miscarriage between May 2005 and January 2006, a friend gave me a statue.  It’s a typical cheesy Catholic statute, but I loved it.  It was a nice reminder to pray in thanksgiving and to petition for more.  Last night as I was dusting, I thought of a friend who wants more children and also loves St. Gerard.  It was time to pass him on.  I have to admit I felt a bit of sadness because for the first time, it feels like we are done having kids.  And while I’m fine with that and have known that, it was still a bit sad.

Halloween is a little over a week away and I’ve yet to decorate the house or figure out costumes.  However, I have managed to make four loaves of pumpkin bread.  I have my priorities straight.

Tonight was Family Chess Night at Rogers.  It’s been a busy week and a really long day so I wasn’t too anxious to go, but Goose really wanted to attend.  And we had promised.  Lance’s solution was to give him the choice to watch football on NFL Rewind or go to Chess.  We’re so proud of his decision.  The kid is in heaven right now.

I constantly talk about how cool it is that Goose loves football and sports in general.  This morning, he took out his sports coat to wear to church.  After getting dressed he told me that this is what he is going to wear when he works for ESPN.

For Today…October 16, 2011

Outside my window…it’s dark.  The weekend is already over.  I hate that.

I am wearing…a red and gray dress.

I am listening to…quiet.  All the kids are in bed.  Lance is watching the game in the other room.  I like quiet.

I am grateful for…ladies brunch, a beautiful weekend, the opportunity to see a friend at Mass this morning, sweet boys, daily mass, the reminder of my wedding vows and perfect timing.

I am praying for…a couple that just exchanged vows, pregnant moms and those that want to be pregnant, a dear friend’s biopsy results, a friend’s sister who has cancer and a couple of special intentions.

From the kitchen…one meal planned.  Need to get moving on the rest of the plan.

From the learning rooms…seriously, there is nothing better than learning with my children.  We’re having fun.  And learning.  And reading.  This week we move to Eggs.  I have some fun things planned and trying not to worry when we don’t get to everything I want.

Around the house…I need to get my Halloween decorations down from the attic.  Then I need to make a list of some very small projects that need to be completed soon.

To live the liturgy…today is the Feast of St. Gerard, the Baby Hulk’s namesake.  The Baby Hulk wanted a cake to celebrate.  I had one cake mix in the pantry, no frosting and nothing to make homemade frosting.  But he was happy with a plain cake.  He really feels special having his own Saint to watch after him.  This is also the month of the Rosary.  I’ve talked a lot about this with the kids, now to pray it together more than we do.

I am reading…I have 4 books due this Friday.  And I really want to read all of them.  Not sure how that is going to work.  I hate library fines, but I don’t want to turn them in before I read them.

One of my favorite things…breakfast food.

A few plans for the week…last week seemed so busy.  I’d really like to take it easy this week.  With that in mind, I want to meet up with Jill and have a play date for the boys this week.

A picture thought I am sharing…

St. Gerard, pray for my sweet boy, today and every day!

First there was this

And once he remembered what to do, there were smiles.

The Baby Hulk and No David got new bikes last month from my parents.  Of course, it’s been so miserable outside that they haven’t really had a chance to use them.  I’m a bad mommy, if it’s too hot for me, the kids don’t get to go outside.  With the temps a tad lower this week, we finally spent some time outside.  I think it’s safe to say we had our PE this week.

Always a Longhorn!

This kid is a natural.  Although I guess riding a bike with training wheels isn’t that difficult.  That said, the only reason my mom bought him a bike was because he got on it in the store and took off.  He was so funny, she had to buy it.   He had the best faces as he zipped past me, and I didn’t get any of them.  I can settle for these sweet faces though.

Adorable baby shot.

My view of him most of the walk.

You’ve heard me brag about how I give my FULL attention to the kids and don’t talk on the phone when they are around.  I figured it out.  It has absolutely nothing to do with being a good mother, and everything to do with the fact that they are completely and utterly rude when I’m on the phone.  I realize this is a common complaint among parents: “they always wait until I’m on the phone…”, but I think it’s more than that.  My kids are great, but I’m starting to think their manners aren’t so much.  Have to figure out what to do about this.  It is really starting to drive me insane.  Because the reality is that there are times when I need to make a call.

My patio looks normal again.  All because of me.  ME.  After bitching about the state of my patio and lack of movement of stuff getting back into the garage, I decided to get things moving by starting today.  My goal was to inspire a certain someone.  I guess I inspired the right person, MYSELF, and got the job done.  Yay me.

Baby Z hit two milestones this week.  Yesterday she clapped her hands, and today her first tooth broke through.  And while I’ve been through this before I have to say this whole life thing is pretty amazing.  It never ceases to overwhelm me.  This time in a good way.

I am wondering if I should call my doctor and let her know that she is indeed progressing.  At her recent check up, the doctor asked if Baby Z could pull herself up, wave or crawl.  The answer was no.  The doctor commented about her being a bit slow.  Interesting, to me at least, all of my babies have been “slow” in this area.  They’ve also all read by the time they turned 4, so there’s that.

I have 32 books checked out from the library.  Maybe that explains the above.

Goose told me the other day that he didn’t think dinosaurs really existed.  His reason: they weren’t in the Bible.  Fossils?  Just a trick by scientists.  WTF?  Seriously.  WTF?  He believes Noah took two of every animal, never questioned all the poop on the boat, but despite seeing fossils in person, he doesn’t believe dinosaurs existed.  This is so disturbing to me.  I don’t even know how to respond to him.  Except maybe knock him on the head, except I don’t spank.

I’m reading this book called The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers.  I was pretty wary of the book.  It’s what I would consider a self help book.  Not me.  Plus, I’m happy.  Most of the time.  A title like this just screams pathetic to me.

I was wrong.

I have to admit that I’m really enjoying this book.  The first chapter didn’t provide much for me.  It was about finding your value as a mother.  I already do.  That might sound really vain.  But I honestly don’t think anyone else could parent my children better than I do.  This DOES NOT mean I think I’m perfect.  At all.  Very far from it.  It’s just I knew I was meant to be a stay at home mom.  It’s who I am.

Anyway…it was the second chapter that has really made me stop and think.  The chapter about Friends.

I have some pretty amazing friends.  One that I’ve known since we used to get drunk together in high school.  Who went to UT with me, who listened to me go on about boyfriends, who held my bachelorette party, stood up at my wedding and has become one of Lance’s closest friends too.  We used to talk daily.  Then last year, I decided if the kids were around, I wasn’t talking on the phone or getting online.  I felt like that made me a better mother.  I now talk to Paul every two weeks.

I have another friend I’ve known since college.  We’ve partied and groaned about husbands and children together.  She is the person who doesn’t judge me when I say something nasty about my children and will stand up for Lance if I’m being unreasonable.  (Yes, I admit that despite being made for motherhood, my kids make me insane at times.  I realize the irony.)  I have seen her once since last spring.

There is another friend who I’ve seen once in two years.  He lives in Houston.  Another I speak with fairly regularly, but seldom see in person.

Then there are the other friends.  Just as important, and quite frankly know me just as well.   The older I get, the more I’ve turned to different friends for different needs.  It’s not just about one best friend.  There are those that know everything, those that make me laugh or listen to stupid stories, talk politics with me and so on.

I love them dearly.

All of them.

As I write this, I’m smiling thinking of conversations or fun times, gossip and so on.   I love my friends.

And I rarely see them.

I see Paul as often as I see most of my friends.  He lives in Chicago.  That says a lot about my relationship with him and a lot about the effort made close to home.

I used to pride myself on not having girls’ night out or taking girls’ weekends.  I didn’t need time away from my husband and kids.  I wanted to be with them.  Except the reality is that I want to see my friends too.  I want to know what is going on with their life.  And not just from a blog or an email.

And that is normal.

In fact, that is how it’s supposed to be.  Reading this book reminds me of this important fact.  When I think of dinners with Cindy, Terese and Carter, we truly fill the entire night with stories of our life.  We are dying to share the details of our life: the good and trying times.  We manage probably six outings a year, but when I think about it, what’s wrong with twelve?  How is it that I talk to Cindy once a month when we used to talk a few times a week?  And not just about fake people?!

Sure we all have important things going on in our lives, but this book has reminded me that friendships shouldn’t take the back seat.  The book points out that we put friendships on the back burner because we think we can.  That we will have time later.  But later isn’t what we think it will be.  Sure, we won’t be dealing with our young children later, instead we’ll be dealing with sick parents.

Time will never be plentiful.

And so time will pass.  I have to decide how I’m going to fill my time.

When I look back on my life, my friends have played such an important role.  There was the one person I told about my parent’s separation when I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, including my brother.  There are the friends who helped me through a tough break up.  Then there are the ones who supported me through my wedding and babies.  Who were there for the showers and so on.  The ones who saw my first baby (and all the others) hours after birth.  The ones who listened when I became bitter after all the miscarriages, who listened when I didn’t want to tell family.  The one who listened when I thought I would die from sending Goose to school.

So how is it that I have friends this awesome and rarely see or even speak to them with any regularity?

I blame it on having five kids.  My good friend that lives in Michigan told me that five killed her.  She managed to have normal relationships until her fifth, my Godson, came along.

I think four did it to me.  And my desire to give them my full attention.  I still agree with that.  I hate having to say “just a second” and I won’t answer the phone when dropping them off at school or picking them up.  I just think my kids deserve my real attention.

But I want my friendships too.

Life needs to be lived intentionally for me.  This doesn’t mean I’m going to spend my time on the phone when the kids are around or take trips.  It does mean that I’m going to resolve to spend time with my friends.  Real time.  Maybe not every week, but I want to sacrifice when I’d rather spend time at home because I’m just so tired.  Everyone is tired.  Sure there are times when you have to say no, when you should say no in order to keep your life simple.  But spending time with friends is a good thing.  I know this.  And I know it’s worth any imagined sacrifice.

This post has been waiting for over two weeks now.  Sorry baby girl.  Today I post, no matter how little I write.

As I sit here on the couch you’re next to me with three books, your fish toy and pink stacking rings.  You didn’t want to be on the floor playing, you wanted to be up next to me.  For me it doesn’t get any better than this.

Your desire to be with me all the time is the sweetest thing ever.  You’ve been slightly feverish for the past couple of days.  We’ve all tried to take care of you, but you have made it clear that you want me.  And the way you have communicated that fact was hysterical.  Is it sad that your dad and I pass you back and forth just to hear you yell that you want me?

Sweet girl…another month has come and gone.  You may not be big, but you are growing so fast.

You finally have some meat on your bones.  You love the food I’ve given you so far.  To be honest, you haven’t tried that much, but we’re moving forward.  If you would ever get some teeth you would probably be eating some table food.

For the first time in a long time, I feel a bit panicked.  You’re just not my little baby anymore.  Nothing you do is the act of an infant.  Not even close.  You are finally growing out of your 3-6 month outfits.  I am trying to put them on you one last time for one last photo.  Sigh.  Some people don’t like this stage, I love it.  Yes, it gets better and better, but I love being able to hold babies in my arms.  With that in mind, I promise to hold you in my arms every time you drink your bottle, (except dinner because that is your big girl time at the table with the whole family.)  I don’t want to miss a second of holding you in my arms.

You army crawl so very fast.  You know exactly where your little basket of toys is located.  As well as you brother’s alphabet puzzle.  It drives him crazy that you play with the pieces of his puzzle.

Baby girl, you shine when you see your brothers.  I love that about you.  You love hearing stories, you grab the book and listen to my voice.  Each day you are with us brings us so much joy.  I love you so much my sweet girl.  May God Bless you always!

For Today…October 3, 2011

Outside my window…it’s beautiful.  I love the cool, crisp air.

I am wearing…black workout shorts and a longhorn t-shirt.

I am listening to…The Baby Hulk sing a song about bosses while coloring a sheet.  No David is singing that he is boss because he is wearing underwear.

I am grateful for…football, not having to fake that I like the Steelers anymore, neighbors who are truly good neighbors, my husband, friends, the chance to learn from my kids and generous parents.

I am praying…my baby girl gets better.  She has had a fever for a couple of days, and I hate how bad she feels.

Continuing to pray for…patience.  I read something the other day about praying for patience.  How we want just patience not the opportunity to learn patience.  Isn’t that the truth.  Lately, I feel whacked on the head by God.  He is giving me lots of chances to learn this patience thing and when I don’t get it right, He gives me more.  Thanks, I think.

Around the house…except for gutters, my garage is finished.  How did we celebrate this monumental achievement?  By leaving everything sitting on the patio.  When I said something to Lance about this, he accused me of not loving football.  I love football, but I love order even more.  Crap all over my patio does not equal order.

Lola…is also roaming my house.  This dog is an outdoor dog saved from the heat this summer by the fact that we had a garage being built.  She was kenneled (offsite) all summer.  She came home with a gimp leg and now I feel sorry for her.  She almost had me convinced to stay in the house, until I saw Baby Z’s outfit, my favorite no less, covered in dog hair.

On the menu…nothing planned so far.  Must plan.

From the learning rooms…We’re still on C week.  Colors and caterpillars, cookies and carrots, coins and clouds.  We’ve had fun with colors and I have a trip to the butterfly exhibit to end this week and kick off Dinosaurs.  Both the boys are enjoying their “work”.  Now I just need to get to the homeschool store to buy a Geo-board and new phonics book.  I’d like to find some living math books, but so far no luck.  Trying hard not to buy new books.

To live the liturgy…is there a better week in the liturgical year than this?  Okay, Holy Week might top this week and Christmas is up there too, BUT…end of September/early October is the best.  First, we had the Arch Angels, the boys love Saint Michael, then we had the Feast of St. Jerome, the boys each narrated their favorite Bible story for me, separately and wrote the same story!  Next St. Terese, the Little Flower on the 1st, The Guardian Angels on the 2nd and St. Francis, one of the all time best saints, on the 4th.  We have talked about Angels nonstop around here.  The boys all love this book: Angel in the Waters.  Goose’s favorite about St. Jerome is this one and we have four books about beloved Saint Francis.  BH’s copy work was the Guardian Angel prayer today.  It’s such a great week in the church.  Sometimes being Catholic isn’t easy, there will be questions I have no interest in answering, but I love my church and I want my kids to as well.  I am thankful for an amazing liturgical year.

I am reading…I think I’m going to implement some quiet reading time for me.  Thirty minutes is all I ask.  I started reading the 10 Habits and am really enjoying is so far.  (This really isn’t my type of book.)  I just want time to read where kids are playing and not in my business.  I think taking thirty minutes to myself a day would also make me a bit less stressed by the end of the week.

One of my favorite things…date night with Lance and listening to him talk football with other guys.

Goose this week…wouldn’t hug Chelsea because she came over wearing an Alabama jersey.  He is analzying football games on shortcuts.  You have to love this kid.  Most of the time.

A few plans for the week…check up for the kids, assuming the kids get better, the zoo.  Then there is a game on Saturday in Dallas.

A picture thought I am sharing…

Where the study of color has led us.

It’s 6:30 pm and OU still sucks!

I’m not sure what the biggest accomplishment of the week was:

finishing the Ram ornaments- of course, there is a huge burn to contend with now.

mailing three boxes today: one I’ve had since June, one a return which will bring me money and the above ornaments

getting No David to wear underwear without accidents, the final incentive: he thinks of himself as a boss now that he is wearing underwear!

eating five of these bars in less than eight hours.  When Jenn brought them over, she suggested cutting them in half.  I didn’t do that.  Does this mean I ate ten of them?

have my son pass an interview at church so he can do his First Communion this year.  Really, this was a no brainer, but slightly stressful for this mom if he didn’t show his knowledge.

Overall a good week, but I have to go with making it to the post office as the best move of the week.