These are probably my favorite pictures from this winter.  They were taken on the Feast of the Holy Family, and they just make me happy.  I love watching Sunshine giggle with the boys and try to copy them.  I have a very similar picture taken when Snax was 6 months and all the boys are wearing sweaters on the same Feast Day.

For Today…February 4, 2013

Outside my window…it’s overcast, but fine.  I can’t believe how perfect this weekend was.  Of course, early Spring weather can only mean a hotter summer than normal.

I am listening to…Snax.  It’s a trip.

I am thankful…my husband is home, that we had a date with movie and a dinner, that my mom babysits whenever we ask, and mostly, that my year has been less stressful.  Maybe I’m learning to deal with school better, maybe I’m more interested in Snax now that he wants to read, I don’t know, it’s just a little bit better and for that I’m thankful.

I am praying for…my pregnant friends, a dear friend with cancer, a cure for Duchenne MD, a special intention and a peaceful spring semester.

Reading with the kids…We have several of the Bluebonnet nominees in our home right now.  Our current favorite is Thunder Birds, but it doesn’t stand a chance to win. We read several picture books on the list as well as some of the chapter books.  We enjoyed all of them quite a bit.  I was also pretty excited that Extra Yarn was named a Caldecott Honor Book.  We haven’t read the other winners, but they are on the list to check out from the library.

Movies all the time…Saw Beasts of the Southern Wild.  Let’s be blunt, I hated it.  Lance said it didn’t do anything for him.  It gave me a headache.  I honestly don’t think any of the nominations for this movie are worth it, from actress to director.  Saw Lincoln, just like everyone says, Daniel Day Lewis is phenomenal.  It’s a good movie, but not close to a favorite for the year.  The goal is to finish up the mainstream movies in two weeks, so we can focus on the documentaries before the Oscars.  I think we can do it.  Or maybe I’m deluding myself considering I didn’t watch any movies last night.

To be fit and happy…I’m fit.  I’m just not happy with the lack of results.  I think I’ve said this every week of my life except for the years before and after Snax when I was super skinny.  Today at the gym I heard two people moan about gaining two pounds, both of whom compete, so I’m not feeling like such a psycho girl anymore.

Learning all the time…Snax is just moving right along, where four months ago, I had serious worries about his work ethic and overall knowledge, I’m not worried anymore.  He is who he is and that’s a smart kid who works at his own pace.  I have really learned a lot from him this year on what works and when to really step back.  I’m trying to incorporate more unit studies with him, I think he is finally ready.  Plus, we have to add PE in the form of swimming.  Please, don’t make me go back to hell known as Houston Swim Club.

Trying to plan…something for Spring Break.  I feel like I’ve earned it.  And so have the children.

Snax…frequently colors his face with marker.  Today he was trying to be Santa Claus.

Living the liturgual year…ugh…we missed Candelmas, which is kind of okay because I didn’t have any new candles to bless this year, but still…we’re celebrating St. Brigid and St. Blaise this week even though both their feast days already passed.  I am slightly annoyed that certain parishes had the blessing of the throat yesterday after mass while the church I attended yesterday did not.  Lastly, LENT starts next week.  Simple, simple plans, but they still require me to be prepared.

Learning lessons in…patience.  There is definitely a reason God gave me five kids and a husband who doesn’t always do things exactly the way I want and when I want.  Patience is one of those virtues I really wish I had without having to work for it.

One of my favorite things…hearing a certain someone sound out words when we’re out and about.

A few plans for the week…Audubon, Storytime, movie marathon watching, park, breakfast buffet and a date to see Amour.  Throw in a couple of crafts, and the week’s done.

A picture to share…

Another Zierlein taking books to bed

:: It’s Friday.  What does this mean?  My husband comes home tonight!  We’re pretty pathetic about time apart from each other.  I know I am very blessed to have a husband that would rather be with me than anyone else.  While Radio Row is hardly real competition, I know he’d feel the same way no matter where he was going.

:: So I tell my dad this.  His response: “I’m glad your husband is like that, so be nice.”  Sometimes I get the feeling that he thought I would stay single forever.

:: The other night I went into the kitchen at 10:24 and caught Squirt eating hummus.  I’ll admit it totally got on my nerves.  I realize I was being pretty irrational, (I did keep it to myself) but it’s basically 10:30.  I don’t care how old you are, you don’t need to eat past 9.  But he is a boy and a teen so I get it.  Then I just started really getting depressed thinking about a bunch of teens in my kitchen late at night.

:: Speaking of Squirt, he is supposed to be going to Galveston with some friends on Saturday.  Last night, he asked “would it be okay if we stayed the night, like I mean if it just happens that way?”  Um, no.  Hell no, you aren’t just going to crash over night in Galveston.  With as fiercely protective as I’ve always been and how I always provided exceptional advice on mean kids, (meaning I gave him loads of come backs), I bet he assumed I was going to be the cool parent.  With the exception of taking him out of school to see movies, I’d say I’m not the cool parent, a sad fact he realized a long time ago.

:: I’ve put on a few pounds, like ten, over the past few months.  In an effort to find something healthy to snack on for me and really the kids who want to eat ALL. THE. TIME. I went with nuts.  Good fat and filling snack.  I was eating them by the handfuls, not realizing I was just supposed to eat a single handful at a time.  Then I read the sodium and well, I am never buying mixed nuts from Costco again.

Happy Weekend, my baby is coming home!

Isn’t there something in blog-land about posting ten things on Tuesday?  I’ve been in somewhat of a blogging funk, but I should be able to manage ten happenings in my life.

• Yesterday the school had a lock down drill.  The kids heard the instructions over the intercom, “LOCK UP IMMEDIATELY”.  Baby Hulk came home freaked out someone is going to hurt him at school.  He started crying.  Goose told me how someone was pulling on his classroom door.  Turns out a classmate was in the bathroom when the drill happened.  Now Goose is afraid to ever leave his classroom for fear of being locked out of the classroom.
• I’m on week two of going at it alone with five kids.  So far, so good.  I don’t recommend it though.  I have a friend whose husband travels every week, no clue how she does it.  Lance plans to leave again for the combine, but I’ve got that time covered.  Old 97’s anyone?
• The dog has moved into the house at night.  I feel bad, she is so sweet, but I can’t stand how much she sheds.  Or barks.  Or digs.  I suppose while she’s inside she can’t dig.  Five minutes in the house, the floor was covered with fur.  This OCD woman can’t take it.
• It’s raining babies with my friends, and I’m green with envy.  I sent Lance a message asking if he wanted to have just one more.  He didn’t even respond.  I’m fine, we’re blessed, I know this.  I just may be showing up at lots of houses to hold babies very soon.  Hoping none of these moms have phobias about people touching their kids.
• Speaking of, I am way weird, as in I make my kids eat granola bars and cookies outside because I hate crumbs, yet, I never had hand sanitizer next to me when people came to see the baby.  Maybe I’m not as OCD as I like to think.
• Snax got in trouble at the gym the other day and when I asked him to apologize, he started wailing.  Really loudly.  I talked to them about it today, and while they were happy that I tried to handle things with him, they wanted to make sure I knew there was another kid who was often a pill in there.  Wondering what they say about Snax.
• Today Goose did a math problem and just wrote an answer.  I couldn’t understand how he got his answer, so I declared it wrong.  Ummmm, he was correct.  Nothing like feeling dumb because you can’t do 3rd grade math.  In my defense, it’s a 4th grade book.  🙂
• I am so behind on movies.  Last year, I promised myself I wouldn’t wait until the last month to catch up on Oscar movies.  I did, and thus far, I’ve only seen 3 Best Picture nominees as well as 3 Best Actor nominees.  Must find babysitters and go see movies.
• The movie I want to see the most: Amour.
• Happy, happy…the kids had a friend over Friday.  While they were at the house, she got a call and there was mention of a pediatrician.  Concerned I asked about my friend about her son.  Her son is fine.  The call was about another child.  A baby.  In the hospital.  Just five days old.  A baby waiting for a family.  This family, they had almost given up hope.  In fact, they weren’t even thinking about getting any calls.  Today, I got a picture of this new family.  Truly, a miracle from above.  A lesson in hope.  God knows, he shows me hope.  What a week!

In the spirit of the new year, here’s a reminder of where my kids are today, right now.  All five of these kids are amazing.  Some days amazing in ways that make my heart skip a beat and other moments where I might not want to claim them.  I expect great things from these kids this year.  I am full of hope and love for each one of them and while my heart breaks just a bit at the thought of them getting older, I am also anxious to see more about just who they are.

Reflecting on where they are right now honestly makes me want to wake each one of them up right this second and tell them just how much I love them.

Sunshine~ (I know, I know, your birthday letter; almost done, I promise.)  My beautiful baby girl, you are too much (Chelsea’s words and so spot on) most days.  You wake up calling out “MOM”, and go to sleep calling out for me  Kind of sweet.  And sometimes your dad sneaks you into my room!  But how can we turn you away?  The reality is we can’t.  You are just that precious to us.

You play, really play.  You make your babies kiss me, you bring me food to share and you want to hang with the boys.  Your vocabulary grows every single day.  How is that?  I love how you deliberately speak: an example, “cheese” long pause “stick”.  And you are ALL GIRL.  I couldn’t be happier either.  Sure you can hang with your brothers, but I don’t think I have to worry about having a tomboy.  And no offense to tomboys, but after four boys, daddy wants a girlie girl.

The cutest thing you do right now?  You see something and show me.  Over and over.  You call, “MOM” and point it out to me.  Like any kid, you must have recognition from me immediately.

Your kisses???  You actually pucker up your lips.  I can’t get enough and quite frankly, neither can anyone else in the family.

Snax~ oh my boy, where to start.  When they say all kids are different, I have to smile. Truer words were never spoken.  You are your own person.  Tough, too cynical for your age, street smart and just a mess.  And a total momma’s boy.  As tough as you are, you still tell me you love me all the time.  It’s the sweetest thing, you’ll be doing your own thing, then innocently look at me and say, “I love you, mom”.  I will never stop wanting to hear those words from you.

Thus far, you’ve broken 4 Christmas gifts.  That I know of.  You’re just kind of rough.  But at the same time, you’re sweet.  You love your sister so much and watch after her in your own way.  You are obsessed with angels and the devil.  On a daily basis you ask me how we can kill the devil.  My response is love.  You are just not satisfied with that answer.  At all.  You continue to ask if sharks, alligators, ninjas and guns can hurt the devil.  You are no fan of King Herod and can’t stand King Wencesles’s brother, both good things.

The big news right now is you have decided you want to read.  This week.  So each day this week, we’ve sat on the couch reading simple stories.  I love hearing you sound words out.  It’s my favorite sound these days.

You ride like a demon on your scooter, and Dad is positive you’ll be great on the skateboard in no time at all.  You love your capes.  Recently, I found you stripped to your underwear wearing your red cape.  Although at times, you have a cranky face and sometimes the cynicism of a weary old man, your joy shines through more often.  That is what I want you to keep, that pure joy of being a child that is loved.

The other day I asked you where we lived.  Your response: “not France”.  This clearly describes just who you are better than I ever could.

Baby Hulk~ You are the one that gets it…seasons that is.  And I love that about you.  You are offended that once again, another holiday is being forced upon us.  This time, you saw Easter candy.  And despite the fact that the offensive candy was one of your favorite candies, you just couldn’t understand why Easter candy was out already.  Kid, the liturgical calendar was made for you.  Okay, maybe not just you, but you have no idea how proud I am that you understand that there really is a season for everything.  Now if only I could manage to bring you four seasons…

The other day you told me that your teeth hurt.  I asked which ones, the bottom middle.  They are loose!!!  The first teeth that grew in when you were a tiny baby are loose.  Your beautiful face is about to change.  Ready or not, it is happening.

You love to talk on the phone.  You search through my phone and make calls all the time.  And you get slightly annoyed when certain people don’t answer the phone.

I love reading to you.  I hope I always remember the look on your face as I’m reading a story to you.  Not picture books, those you have to sit next to me, it’s the real chapter books that I like reading to you.  Whereas your brother would read along with me, you like to sit and be an active listener.  You take the entire story in and make it your own.

Do you know how proud I am that you love our priest and can regularly tell me part of the homily?  You actually listen.  You are such a sweet little boy, you feel more than others and I love that about you.

Goose~ Today you told me you knew what you wanted to be when you grew up.   I was curious since you decided doctor was it years ago much to Paul’s dismay.  Doctor no more, you’re onto even loftier goals: football or basketball player.  Or artist or poet.

You love sports so much, and you can’t watch a game without having some stake in it. So each game you ask who I’m cheering for and you go crazy when “your” team wins.  You were in such a state wondering who you should cheer for when OU played the Aggies.  You couldn’t just watch the damn game.  I love that you stay up late to watch games and that you discuss plays with your dad.  You say you want to play, but I think coaching may be in your blood.

I watch you with numbers and am amazed by how much you get it.  I am embarrassed to admit I had to have you explain something to me today.  I’ll blame it on the “new” math you’re learning.  I do wish you paid a bit more attention in class.  It would make me a lot less stressed.  And here’s why, you have the ability to do so much.  You just need to actually read what’s in front of you.

Last week, we read a book together.  Like we used to do: one chapter you read, one chapter I read…I loved it and vow to spend more time reading with you and not just to you.  I enjoy discussing books with you and like when you make me sit and read a passage with you.  I got pretty lucky the day you started reading!

You are literally growing up so fast.  It makes my heart stop.  Yet in some ways, you are still that little boy who loves Big Snoopy and wants to sneak into my room to sleep.  I could hold onto that forever.

Squirt~ Today, you handed me a brochure.  I started flipping through it.  It’s for graduation announcements.  Really.  Really????  When and how did this happen?

It’s true.  You’re a senior, and soon, you will be moving to something new.  I honestly don’t know when this happened.  You continue to amaze everyone who sees you.  People can’t believe just how handsome you’ve become.  Nor can they believe that you want to become a Marine.

Yes, the Marines.  That’s your goal.  I’m proud and scared at the same time.  I think it’s a great thing, hopefully, you’ll gain discipline and work ethic, but as a mom it kills me to think of you in dangerous places, of anyone (other than me) shouting instructions at you.  If this is the path you choose, I’ll trust that it will work out.  It’s hard parenting older children, at some point, you finally come to the realization that it’s not your life, that you don’t get to make all the choices anymore.  I know this dream isn’t really flighty because you’ve wanted to be in the military for years.

I would be remiss if I left out the girls…you have always wanted a girlfriend.  You feel a bit more than I would like at this age, but that’s who you are.  Today, you told me a girl asked you out.  And all I could think of was that I didn’t like her.  I have to say I am so not ready for you to get really serious with a girl.  Mainly, I just want you to maintain dignity, both in how you allow girls to treat you and how you treat them.

You love your little sister so very much, and you get slightly annoyed when she doesn’t give you attention.  The boys look up to you so much.  I hope you always give them reason to look to you for help.  We’re almost at the end of this season.  I think we’re ready.

Happy Birthday, Lance.

I wish we were celebrating with a wonderful meal and dessert.  This weekend, I hope.  Until then, know just how happy I am that you were born today.  You’re an amazing husband, father and the smartest guy I know.  I still love listening to you on the radio.  Your talent has no bounds, and I know I’m not alone in my opinion.  Have a wonderful birthday week.  I know just how blessed I am to have you for a husband.  Every person should have someone like you.  I love you~ nicole

Sometimes you hear something that’s like a punch in the stomach and no matter how hard you try, you can’t recover.  You cry, you talk and still nothing makes you see the positive.  Your heart literally breaks in two.  You ask God why, but there is no answer.

2012 was a difficult year.  It was hard, dirty and it wasn’t easy to find good things about it.  From the pain in the ass things like broken pipes, no dishwasher to the lost babies, school issues and the separated couple I’m still praying for daily..it was rough.

Christmas Day, Lance prayed.  He thanked God for the Baby that was born for us.  That baby that came to save us.  To bring us hope.  He reminded us that we all have hope if only we trust and open ourselves up to it.

I have started this year with even more distressing news on my heart.  News that I wish I could push away as far as possible because it’s not the kind of thing mothers want to hear.  I have nothing to offer, nothing that will make anything better or even a bright side.  But I have hope.  And so I hope for that miracle that I know can happen from Him.  I pray for understanding if the miracle I hope for isn’t in His plans.  I will not despair.

I am committing to Hope.  This is my goal for the year: to live in hope with a little bit of faith and love thrown in, the Theological Virtues.  With these three, I can’t go wrong.

The reality is it’s easy to go down the path of despair.  It’s looking at us nonstop, either in our lives or those around us.  It takes real effort to find Hope in our lives.  Yet there is hope.  There is hope in the smiling faces of my children, in the arms of my husband, in the prayers of family and friends, in the perfectly timed call from a friend.  There is hope in the unexpected.

I choose to live in hope rather than wallow in the despair that sometimes life just is.  My goal is to find hope in Him and live that way.  To bring hope to those around me.  I want to have Faith that is strong enough to move mountains.  I will never know the answers to why things happen to certain people, why there is suffering, but I can have hope because I am loved and cared for by God.

2013 is here, I can’t wish it away.  With hope, I will live it to the fullest.

~ And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

:: Today Snax made a mask out of his paper towel.  And glued it to his face.  More than once.  Goose started freaking out, telling me to make him stop because it would stay on his face forever.  I assured him that he was wrong since he had glued something to his face several times today with no lasting effects.

:: Sunshine loves carrots.  Except when she doesn’t.  Like twice this week.  She has eaten part of a carrot and decided along the way that she was done.  And she won’t tell me where she put the carrot.  So now two carrots are floating around my house.  This is really hard for someone who prides themselves on being an impeccable housekeeper.  Without a paid housekeeper, I must add.

:: Goose took a spelling test today.  He who always makes 100 on spelling tests made a 95.  He misspelled judgement.  He spelled it just like I did.  Which according to ALL the people I sent text messages to today, that is the correct spelling.  Turns out you can spell it this way too: judgment.  I’m embarassed to admit that at 42, I had no idea you could spell it that way.  When Goose asked his teacher why he didn’t make a 100, she explained the different spelling.  He then pointed out that he spelled it the right way on the pretest and she didn’t mark it wrong.  Too bad, so sad.  He has a 95.  Mom isn’t happy.

:: Sunshine’s new routine is to say “bed, mama”.  How can I refuse that sweet offer?

:: Wondering if Snax is ready to ever go to school.  Despite being potty trained, he waits until the last possible second every. single. time.  He ends up screaming, “I need to go pee” and dancing in circles every time he pees.  I can totally picture this in school one day.

The only people who read my blog, know me, so I ask with all my might, beg really, to pray.  I have a super, special intention.  It is close to my heart.  Soon I will write about it, but any prayer offered for my intention would be appreciated.

For today:: Monday, January 7, 2013

Outside my window:: it’s a beautiful day.  I can’t believe just how nice it is right now.  I plan to take advantage of it.

I am listening to:: a homemade band.  I love when the kids have performances for me. Next up is the puppet show.

I am grateful for:: an amazing break.  We didn’t do much, and for someone who likes to get out and do, that’s strange.  But it was great.  We celebrated, we saw a movie, we had a couple of pajama days, we read, went skating, met friends for lunch, had the best burger ever, and just had time together.  I did a puzzle on my own.  I even blogged because I wasn’t frantic about my time with the kids.  I’m grateful for the wonderful gifts we were able to buy for our family and friends as well as those we received.

I am praying:: for peace as my children head back to school, (stay calm, be normal like other parents), my pregnant friend, a dear friend who has cancer, a broken leg and other complications but had a wonderful breakthrough this week.  I know this is the work of my children praying each evening for him.  My aunt who fell this week.  And that special intention.

My Saint for the year:: Saint Leopold III.  Using this Saint Name Generator, that is who I got for 2013.  A little worrisome as he is the patron Against Death of Children, but also Large Families and Step Parents.  Some might say we’re a large family, not really considering the Catholics I follow online, but I can see that fit.  And about that next part…We don’t use the term “step” in our home.  Ever.  Side note- there have been many blog entries started and deleted explaining my feelings, but it’s just not worth it.  Although now might be the time to add how much it pisses me off when people say I have 4 kids.  As if the one who has lived with me nonstop doesn’t count since he didn’t reside in my uterus first.  It’s super annoying when they say it in front of my son too, makes him feel really great.  Anyway…It’s gotten to the point that new people I meet don’t know anything, they may fish around and say something like “that sure was a long time before you had another kid”.  I just stay silent.  People think what they think and I could explain away, except what can I say?  My husband had a big lapse in judgement early on, because that’s what I would say first, before adding that this kid is mine.  Period.  (Lapses in judgement, yes, we all have them, I just didn’t marry mine.)  The fact is I have five kids, four boys and one girl.  They all call me mom.  I love them with all my heart, and they all equally drive me insane at times.  I am an equal opportunity yeller, (except with Sunshine).  And I get super defensive and mad when people imply otherwise.  But back to the Saint…I’ll admit my heart sank a bit when I read about him, thinking “clearly, Leopold and I are going to become close as I’m sitting in another ER.”  I realize I’m overreacting just a bit, but could anything sound worse to be a ‘patron of’?   Especially when the other two points seem to fit in your family, regardless of whether or not you use the word step.  But I took a deep breath and prayed.   Then I introduced myself to my new Saint.  The point of the Saints is to bring us closer to God and to storm heaven on our behalf.  After I prayed I realized that I have a son who is more than likely joining the Marines this summer, so this just makes so much sense!!  He could potentially be in dangerous places and how comforted I feel knowing we already have this saint praying for us.  Crazy how things work sometimes.

Around the house:: Christmas is officially over.  Yesterday BH was so cute, “Happy Epiphany and Happy End of Christmas”.  We left our decorations up and Tuesday I’ll start packing them.  I don’t want to spoil today by working when the kids are around.  Things should be back to normal by Friday with a spotless, super dusted house.  Is anything worse than dusting during the holidays?

On the menu:: nothing planned.  What is wrong with me?  I’m usually really good about this, but I just can’t get into planning a good menu.

To be fit and happy:: isn’t everyone’s goal to lose 15 pounds?  So I haven’t started a diet yet.  In fact, yesterday I made two kinds of cookies.  I usually bake at least 8 kinds of cookies for Christmas.  This year I didn’t do a thing until this week.  Some cookie bars that I didn’t even like which meant I had to make something else.  I had promised Squirt his favorite cookies~ white trash peanut butter sandwiches so I had to come through for him.  I also planned on making Peanut Butter Blossoms.  I finally did and they are perfection.  Diet starts Wednesday…

I have spent:: a ridiculous amount of time thinking about my planner for this year.  What is wrong with me?  I mean like hours worth of my time.  And still, I have no set decision.

I do however:: have my Christmas planner almost finished.  I have been wanting all my ideas down on paper for years and it’s finally coming together.  I have a notebook where I have recipes and gifts, but nothing where all the books, ideas, and so on are all together.  After seeing numerous things online and my friend Shea’s book, I got inspired.  I even have book ideas for next year written down already.

I am creating:: a liturgical notebook.  Another organization project, I guess.  We have some nice books, which generally come out monthly, but some of the ideas I have bookmarked to celebrate feast days get lost.  Some are still on Lance’s computer, some are pinned…Enough is enough so now I have a notebook with monthly tabs.  I’ll probably do something similar with seasonal ideas as well.  This way, I don’t look back and lament missing a craft, book or lesson.

Snax:: has broken three of his Christmas gifts and declared his hatred of Toy Story now.  That’s pretty much all you need to know about this kid.

One of my favorite things:: this sippy cup.  I show this cup to anyone who will listen, even friends who have kids long past the age of sippy cups.  But let me tell you, they are the best cups ever.

A few plans for today:: gym, I have 20 books to read to the boys, handprint art I want the boys to make, take a walk and get the boys ready for tomorrow.  Then watch some football.

A few plans for the week:: take down decorations, clean this house, basketball practice, ease back into school with everyone.

Best gift of the season:: this marble mat, playsilks (finally, finally, finally!!) and tennis rackets.  Dad got those rackets all on his own, great gift idea, not only do I approve, but boys are having a blast.

A picture to share:: 

Blessings upon our home this new year

***Sorry about the rant at the beginning…