A few weeks ago someone asked you how old you are and you answered “2 1/2”.

2 1/2!!!

Goose and I just stopped in our tracks.  Where did that come from?!  It may not be a huge deal, but to us, it was just an amazing answer.  I mean, you really are 2 1/2.  And the way you answered, so full of personality.

That is who you are today.  Full of personality.

You ask everyone their name “what your name?” And then you make them repeat it.  And when they ask your name, you are very specific.  “Marianna” and when they pronounce it incorrectly, you let know exactly how to say it: “mad y ana”.  You will say it over and over again to make sure they say it correctly.  Sunshine, I struggle with this too, I’m not sure of the answer.  But I do think emphasizing the D sound may help.  Regardless, I love just how verbal you have become.

You literally tell stories.  Stories!!!  Remember yesterday…this morning…later we are going to…that lady…X hit me…and many more.

Just like those that came before you, you love books.  You pick out a stack and bring them to me.  Sometimes I don’t read fast enough for you.  Lately though, you tell me that you want to read and then you open the book and tell me a story.  You’re not at the memorizing stage, you just tell your own version of events.  The other kids never did this, and I am enjoying this immensely.  You’re creative in ways the others aren’t.

Your memory…it’s amazing.  Maybe all kids are like this, and you would think I would know, but I can’t remember the others having a memory like you.  You remember playdates from last year, babies that were born, food we’ve eaten and cookies I’ve promised to bake.  I can barely remember yesterday and here you are telling me every single thing that happened.

You like to color, but thus far, your abilities are similar to your brothers.  You love your pencil bag more than the actual coloring.  And that doesn’t surprise me because you love to shop.  You had to have the pencil bag one day while we were at the bookstore.  I’ll admit it’s pretty cool.  But seriously, you have got to tone it down on the shopping.  You have literally cried a few times because I wouldn’t take you shopping.

Sunshine, you are what I might say opinionated.  And I’m glad, always stand up for what you believe, know what you think and why and don’t let anyone bully you into following their agenda.  That said, I wish you were slightly less opinionated about what clothes you wear on a regular basis.

Mass~ the positive…you always kneel when entering the pew, you love the priests and run up to them for hugs and you say the Our Father.  The could be better…your behavior in between entering and leaving the pews.

You get excited when Squirt comes home from work, and love your Gaga more than anything.  I love the relationships you are forging with the boys.  I hope you guys are always so close.

You enjoyed swimming this summer and want me to take you daily.  You don’t mind going under the water and jump into to my arms regularly.

You count to twenty, know your ABC’s and sing songs all day long.  Someone asked me the other day what I was doing with you, meaning learning wise.  My answer~ playing.  We play, I read, we take walks and we learn the saints and go to mass.  I think that is more than enough for a very long while.

You are definitely one of us, you love food and sometimes it brings you to tears.  And not in a good way.  I am not sure that you ever get full.  And you love sweets as much as the rest of us.  You don’t seem to be picky about them.  You don’t love vegetables, but you will eat raw green beans with dinner daily so for now, that’s good enough.

You might be considered a little OCD about things.  You literally keep your baby in one area in your crib and don’t like it when she is moved.  You also line yourself up with the middle rod in the crib.

This shouldn’t surprise me because you love to clean.  You see a speck of dirt and tell me to clean it or you run and get the swifter.  You like mess about as much as I do, and will do everything to make sure it gets cleaned up soon.

You really are an amazing little girl, Sunshine.  You brighten our day and those you see you.  The ladies at the gym love you so much, despite the fact that you tattle when the ladies don’t give you cookies.  At times, you guilt them into giving them to you before leaving.  But it’s hard to say no to you for most people.

I am loving this stage with you, my sweet little girl and I am so excited about the time we have alone together!  I love you, Sunshine.

For Today:: September 23, 2013

Outside my window:: it’s dark outside, and the weather wasn’t miserable.  I can handle that.

I am wearing:: Halloween boxers and a t-shirt.

I am thankful for:: a wonderful weekend filled with football and friends.

I am praying for:: the repose of an old friend’s soul, his family, a friend of a friend who just lost her husband in a car accident, a cure to DMD, Snax’s writing and peace.

I am listening to:: the breathing of my sweet boy Snax.

Towards rhythm and beauty:: we’re getting there.  I’ve got a small schedule of things I do with Sunshine, nature walks and storytime at the church.  Cleaning on Thursdays and lunch with the boys during the week.  But I’m still feeling out of sorts, maybe a few more weeks of this routine and I”ll feel normal.

Around the house:: that spotless house…I mopped today and before the kids were even home, there was stuff all over the floor.  There was only one person at home, I won’t give names, but needless to say, it’s super frustrating to clean and not have it last for three hours.

To be fit and happy:: My spin teacher returns Wednesday.  And I have a damn meeting.  But I’m happy.  I have my spin shoes and heart rate monitor so I am set!

I am reading:: The Temperament God Gave You.

From the kitchen:: menu planned, hopefully everyone likes dinner as much as I do.  And I’m baking.  Made bread for the ladies at the front office last week, and they were so grateful.

I am excited:: that fall has arrived.  Sure, it will be miserably hot within days again, but there are fun things to do with my kids and husband.

One of my favorite things:: football.  I took the kids to the football game in Austin last weekend.  Sunshine was an angel.  Then Snax.  Goose and Baby Hulk were okay at best.  Thank goodness my dad was there to help.

A few plans for the week:: Audubon, storytime, lunch with a friend, lunch with the boys at school, Dinner with some friends, and a first grade moms get together.

My Sweet Baby Hulk, you’re seven now.  I can’t even believe that we’re here.  But we are, another year has come and gone.  And what a great year it was for you.

I start with a simple apology of never posting last year’s birthday letter.  It’s mostly done, except for the pictures,  yet never published.  Why?  I can answer easily.  Last September was just so hard with you away from home, not that it ever got easier with you being away, but September was the hardest.  I hated you being away at school, doing who knows what all day long.  Publishing your post just made me sad.  Lame excuse, I know.  And no, I am not any happier this year.  I miss you like crazy and when you ask to stay home, it kills me to tell you that you have to go to school.  Kills me.

When I look at who you are right this second, I can thankfully say you haven’t changed much since last year.  You’re still my nature boy, the boy who loves seasons and remembers your special books.  You are completely offended with the fact that Christmas decorations are already making an appearance.  You just don’t get it, and I am happy that you are content to take your time and let each season in life happen as they should.

Right now, you often tell me you want to be a priest.  My heart swells with pride that you actually consider this as your vocation.  Maybe you have that calling, it’s a bit too early to tell, but I’ve done something right if you are even considering it.  The only problem is you have a difficult time with prayer.  And I’m not talking about personal out loud prayers, I am talking about just praying out loud.  It kind of annoys you when we call you out on it, but come one, if you want to be a priest, you need to pray so people can hear you.

This should be an exciting year for you because you will be receiving your First Communion.  I’ve already ordered a new book to help us on this road.  And I’m already thinking of your party.

You excelled at school, and honestly, I really wish you had just skipped Kindergarten. I knew you wouldn’t learn anything, and well, you didn’t.  But at the same time, I am glad I don’t lose you a year earlier later on down the road.  Now you’re in first grade and three weeks in it’s a breeze.  Funniest thing~ earlier this week you came home wtih a 92 and I made a comment.  You just looked at me and said “calm down, it’s above a 90, mom.”  Well, okay, kid, you are right.  I won’t stress about 92’s.

You literally read all the time.  All. The. Time.  You get in the car with a book, you take one to the bathroom, you lay on the floor reading, in bed at night.  You never tire of it.  This past summer, you decided you wanted to read The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.  You also read the Magician’s Nephew.  And you completely understood them without needing my help.  You read about bugs, Ramona and Henry Huggins and now you’re reading Goosebumps like your brother.  I want you to have lots of interests in life, but your love of reading is my favorite hobby you will ever have.

Last year you played basketball and baseball again.  You’re a pretty decent player.  You hit well, and I wish I could figure out what size of bat you really need because then you would be awesome.  I love the smile on your face when you are running to first base.  So happy and proud.  You’re such a great team player in basketball, something you don’t see often in kids your age.  You pass the ball and expect the same from your teammates.  Once you figured out they weren’t going to pass, you decided you didn’t need to pass quite so much and scored.  When you have success in sports it just makes my heart happy.  I could stare at the sweet look on your face for hours on end.

BH, you worry quite a bit about what is fair and what’s not.  And while I wish things in life were fair, I hate to break it to you, life isn’t fair.  Things aren’t always even steven not even when you are dealing with me and your dad.  What I want most is for you to worry about yourself and how you are treating others.  Don’t always worry if someone is getting more time to play or more things than you.  That said, don’t let anyone walk all over you.

You are such a good brother.  Most of the time, 🙂  You are overly generous when it comes to choosing things that they will enjoy also.  I hope they learn from your example.  You enjoy playing with Sunshine and reading to her.  And you hate when Goose won’t play with you.  I think it is so sweet that you always find him on the playground at school.  And as Snax has grown you like playing with him too.  Most afternoons find you three running around playing some made up game.  Or building legos.  Or playing beyblades.  Or outside playing football.  Or basketball.

My sweet boy, you are so sensitive and caring, it breaks my heart at times.  Your love of nature astounds me and it’s amazing how you are the one who always finds things like snail shells and bugs and feathers.  I guess when something is your passion, you notice it more than others.  I try to find ways to nurture this love of nature and hopefully your birthday gifts do just that.  You’ve brought me out of my shell with regard to being outside and I thank you for that.

Handsome, sweet, sensitive and smart, I just can’t get enough of your smiling face or generous hugs.  They are strong and let me know just how much you love.  I love that you wanted to sleep with me for your birthday.  It reminds me of holding you in my arms when you were in the NICU.  I sat with you all day long, just holding you and staring at your sweet face, praying desperately to take you home.  I look at you now and can’t believe you were a NICU baby.  Although even back then, you were such a strong baby.

I thank God every day for you.  I pray each day for patience and the right words when you get upset.  I’m learning, not fast enough, but I’m trying because you deserve the best.  I want you always to have that look of pride and happiness on your face.  I love you my sweet child.  I know seven is going to be a great year for you!

God, Jesus and Mary pray for my son.  St. Gerard, pray for my BH too!!  You are his namesake!

On Baby Hulk’s birthday my parents were at a funeral of a friend/neighbor’s son.  He graduated with me and a long time ago we were friends.  It’s a sad situation~ a man with two children gone.  Devastating really.  I can’t even imagine what his parents are feeling right now.  Or his children.

I knew this guy growing up, but hadn’t seen him in about 9 years.  I am thankful for a fun last memory of him.  And another fond memory of talking all night at my elementary school in my 20’s.  I can’t remember the details of what we talked about, but I remember it being a wonderful evening talking about life at that time.

I offer prayers for his family and for the repose of his soul.  I pray that peace comes sooner rather than later for them.  For the children he leaves behind, I offer sacrifices.  And while not a current friend, I am thankful for the friendship we did have at one time.  Please pray with me for his family.

How can it be that you are in Kindergarten?  How?!

I watch you constantly and say “he isn’t ready”.  You’re super bright and quick, but you’re just so you!  The kid who talks super loud, who can barely sit in a chair, who writes super duper slow, who has a slight attitude when someone asks you a question you don’t like…

But here you are going to school.  And doing okay.  To be clear, I’m having lunch with you almost daily.  If you ask, I go.  I would probably go twice a week anyway.  This morning I told you I couldn’t go, and you were so upset.  Kind of rude about it.  Tonight, you were so sweet.  You asked me to call the Audubon and tell them we wouldn’t be there because you wanted me to come to lunch.  It makes my heart so happy to know you want me around.

Then today when you saw me after school and jumped into my arms…oh how I miss you, sweet boy.  Miss you so much.

It really is hard to imagine you at school but so far you’re doing okay.  Your biggest concern is getting in the correct line in the morning.  I don’t know what the problem is because the school doesn’t let us walk you inside anymore.  Super frustrating to me.  Instead, you walk inside with Goose and Baby Hulk.  It’s sweet watching you three walk off together.

You have some things to learn, small stuff like how to complete a worksheet.  But in just two weeks, your writing has improved.  Still slow, but improving.  I had to laugh when the teacher said you sometimes just walk off while everyone else is sitting.  I guess you need to work on that too.

I can honestly say I hate taking you to school, but that’s what I’m required to do.  I hope this year is great for you.  I am sure you are going to keep your teachers on their toes.

One person who is going to miss you as much as me, your little sister.  I can’t believe the two of you.  When I look at this picture of you two, it just makes me smile.  I was trying to get a shot of you, but she had to be in the picture with you.  And this is what I got.  I love how close you two are.  I hope school doesn’t change that.  She still gets mad when she realizes that you are not in the car.

On the first day of school, your poor little sister.  We dropped you off, and she looked over at your seat and asked where you were.  Then after seeing you for lunch, she started crying when you weren’t in the car.  She told me you belonged in the seat.  And you do.  She has kept up with that routine since you started school.  Some days there are tears and other screams about it.  I know just how she feels.

Here’s to a great year, Snax!  I promise lots of lunches and field trips with mom and Sunshine!  I love you so much and miss you all day long!!!

I know Jesus and Our Lady and Saint Sebastian and Saint Monica are all watching over you when you are away from me.  And that is a very good thing!

Today:: September 8, 2013, Mary’s Birthday!  We’re celebrating with brownies tonight.

Outside my window:: the mosquitos are killing us.  We went for a walk and poor Sunshine is covered with bites.

I am wearing:: a dress.  I’m still in my church clothes.

Finding a rhythm to my days:: things are definitely different for me these days.  I’ve only got one child with me.  This is our first real week to attempt a schedule of sorts.  I am in desperate need of rhythm and while our trip was amazing, it’s time to settle down.

I am desperately missing:: my three middle boys.

And I get super annoyed:: when people say Snax is ready or he’s fine.  Just wondering, do people ever think that a kid isn’t ready or that other options are better?  Doesn’t anyone remember the kid who was miserable in school despite being socialized?  Don’t they realize that kids don’t learn at the same pace?  That an individualized education plan teaches more than a plan for the masses?  And then they wonder why kids aren’t ready for college…I get that most people don’t want to spend the majority of their time with their kids and don’t feel equipped to teach them, but giving the generic “he’ll be fine” or “that’s growing up”, doesn’t do much, except put you on my list.

I am praying:: for my boys as they start school, for me while they are at school…for the intercession of St Monica in these days!  And for my boy’s eye.

I am working on:: a ton of posts.  Not that they are super interesting to anyone but me, but I do have lots of pictures to share.  I guess now I have the time if my pictures would load without timing out.

I am listening to:: Sunshine sing Happy Birthday to Our Lady.  I wish everyone could hear this.

Around our home:: with Squirt working during the day, it’s only Sunshine and me.  I expect my house to be spotless.  And all those projects I have put off, they start soon.  Oh and I’m on the lookout for a patio set.  I figure it should be relatively cheap right now, and I’ve been dying for one.

To be fit and happy:: My spin teacher is leaving for two weeks.  During that time, I am buying my spin shoes so that I am ready before she comes home!  Not sure what I’m doing while she is gone, maybe boot camp a few days.

I am reading:: Game of Thrones.  And whatever else Goose is reading.  It’s hard to keep up with him.

I joined:: a book study at my church.  This is huge for me.  I am not a huge fan of meetings and stuff like that, I don’t tend to make friends in these settings, so we will see.  I have been dying to read this book though so I hope it works out.

In the kitchen:: Grilled chicken and mashed potatoes with spinach, tortellini with vegetables, chicken parmesan and green beans, Sausage with spinach and cauliflower and steaks on Friday for me, Lance and Squirt and pizzas for the littles.  Then Saturday we’ll be eating strawberry cake.

I am creating:: lists: reading lists, check lists, christmas card lists and more.

I am excited about:: another school holiday.  The kids are off this Friday.  Trying to find something fun to do with them.

One of my favorite things:: trips with my husband.  We are so lucky to have my parents take care of the kids, even a puking one.  And Portland.  Wow.  When can we move?  I am not kidding.  I can’t wait to return with Lance, with the kids…and I can’t wait until the Spring when Lance and I can take another solo trip.

A few plans for the week:: tot walk with Sunshine at the Arboretum, storytime at my church, shopping for a little boy’s birthday, buying some workout clothes for myself and planning a birthday.

Photos by LZ.  Amazing trip, and to be clear, I would move to Portland in a heartbeat.  I think I could handle the rain.

Hands down one of the best parts of being Catholic is having a communion of Saints that can pray for you.  Since they are in heaven, they are right there in the ear of Jesus interceding for us.  They’ve done their time, so to speak and they are ready and willing to be there for us.  Teaching Sunshine about the saints with these dolls is going to be awesome.  She has a favorite already: St.Anne who she calls her “Saint Annie”.  I want her to think of the saints as her best friends.  We’re off to a good start in that she loves these dolls and is very careful with them.  She is learning the names of the saints and will soon learn their stories.  Think I will have to learn to make some of my own or I will go broke buying these!

Day 2 did not go well.

At all.

My plan was to drop off the children and hit mass, then core, then cardio and back to school for lunch.

What happened was I sent Goose and Baby Hulk to class and Snax held me hostage for an hour and a half.

Yes, an hour and a half.

He cried.  He wailed. He yelled.  He grabbed my legs.

He would not go to school.  Kept saying he didn’t want to go.  He refused no matter what anybody said to him.

The counselor and vice-principal wanted me to leave him screaming.  Sorry, I’m not that mom.  The VP was the most unhelpful person I have ever encountered and literally wanted me to leave him at his worst point.  Wasn’t happening.  I can pretty much say that all the online rumors about her are accurate.  Let’s just hope the stuff about schools declining under her guidance don’t follow.

Finally, Snax made the mistake of saying he didn’t want to do work.  That doesn’t fly with me.  I reminded him that while we have a lot of fun learning in our home, we still did a lot of work most days.  I explained that would continue but without juice boxes and other school treats.

After that he decided he could go to class.  When I returned for lunch, he told me school wasn’t too bad.  And he actually skipped when he went back to his classroom from lunch.

We talked about things this evening, and I think he’ll be okay.  He seems a bit confused about the morning routine at school.  The kids are supposed to wait in the cafeteria until the bell rings and then a monitor takes the K kids to class.  Snax also used to wait with me last year with BH in the mornings.  I think he assumed I would be waiting with him this year.  This year they won’t let us go into the school in the mornings.

Lots of people don’t have a problem just dropping their kids off for school.  I kind of like being with them in the mornings.  Not sure how this will play out.  There is a small group of moms who walk their kids inside in the mornings.  We’re all kind of upset.  Regardless, I’m hoping things are better tomorrow.  I can’t bear to see my little boy crying.

Kicking and screaming, I took the kids to school this morning.  On time.  After repeated requests to this stupid school over the past four years, they finally allowed parents to walk their kids to their kindergarten class on the first day of school.

It’s the small victories that make me feel like I can do anything.

There were smiles from the first and fourth graders who were happy to see school friends.  It was really sweet seeing Goose with two of his best buddies before school actually started.  Last year, Baby Hulk wanted me to sit with him each morning before school began.  Today he was just a bit older, allowing me time with his younger brother.

And Snax…he knows his way around this school.  He’s been whatever about starting school only caring about recess.  Today, he was slightly shy, but not too worried.  He was happy when I returned for lunch and told me he isn’t sure he really wants to go back to school.

As for me, I took Squirt and Sunshine to the gym and worked out like a demon in an effort to take my mind off of things.  I haven’t had just one child home during the day since Goose and I used to drop off Squirt at school.  It seems weird.

For whatever reason, Snax’s name was spelled wrong on everything.  We noticed on Friday and told the teacher.  She only changed his name tag on his desk.  In the time I was at school, he told her four different times she needed to fix his name.  Good luck with this kid!

I’m off to complete paperwork for each child.  Why in 2013 are we still filling out the same paperwork by hand????  They can’t save this information in their system?  Maybe I’ll start working on that so that by the time Sunshine goes to school, I can just enter information via my computer.

Someone told me I had been a lazy blogger this summer.  It’s true.  I can’t even manage to post pictures on a regular basis.  I’ve been in a funk not feeling like it was a real summer, upset because we didn’t take a vacation with the kids and now the inevitable…school.  And I feel like I can’t complain because Lance has his new show and well, that takes priority over the same old complaints about school and how much I hate it.

Summer is indeed coming to a close, and despite lacking that “it was a great summer” feeling, I can say I had a great time with the kids.  I love spending time with them.  Sure, there are days where my patience is pushed to the limit, where I wonder if the kids will ever get manners, but overall time spent with my kids can’t be replaced.  And reality has set in, time passes too quickly.  In the blink of an eye, the kids have grown more, had another birthday, are doing more things…I know this and because of this, I literally feel a loss as each day goes by.  (Clearly, I need to work on that and just appreciate each day, rather than mourn its loss.)

Knowing that school was starting soon, I made an effort to fill our days with fun each day over the last few weeks.  The kids have gone to the movies, swam for hours on end, jumped at Sky Zone and gone bowling.  Bowling is our new favorite activity. We’ve baked, we’ve read, we’ve played games, we’ve gone to daily mass, seen Aunt Mary and enjoyed ice cream and snoballs.  Not a bad way to spend time together.

We were a family every second of this summer.  More often than not, it’s just me and the little kids.  And we know how to enjoy our time together.

As a parent, my main priority is to love.  More than anything else, it’s my job to make sure my children feel loved and know how to love.  I pray I’ve done a good job with that.  We took time to be together.  I had more kids snuggling in bed with me than I ever thought I would.  And you know what?  It’s pretty damn nice.  To be the center of someone’s world is not a bad thing.

As summer comes to a close and we start a new routine, one which hopefully doesn’t involve me raising my voice too much in the mornings, I’m grateful for each second I spent with my kids.  The reading, the late nights, the snuggles, the bowling, the pool, the diving board, buying new books, Shady Grove…it all made for time well spent