So I no longer have to carry a diaper bag.

My daughter uses an actual toilet now.

And I’m happy and excited for her.  What a big girl!!!

And yet, what a big girl.

I hate it.

I love kids.  Especially my kids.  But I love, love, love the early stages.

I have easy babies, they sleep within three months, eat really well, I pump milk like a freaking dairy farm and I just love the sweet, soft cuddles of a baby.

Sure, I love the cuddles of my toddler girl, I love hearing her talk all. the. time.  I love seeing the world through her eyes.

But I miss that baby stage, and unless God has other plans for us, we’re not having more children because we’re very careful these days.  Every month I ask, this month?  And he says no.

I wonder at what point will I stop being jealous of seeing a blogger announce her pregnancy?  Because that is really the only emotion I have as each Catholic blogger I follow announces another baby.  Big freaking sigh.

In the meantime, here’s to carrying a purse again.  Does this mean a new purse is in order for Christmas?!!!  I hope so because I already have one picked out.

There is something wonderful about seeing the world through their eyes.

Even something as simple as decorations.

I got out the Halloween decorations the other night, and the kids were so excited.  Baby Hulk was on me all night since I had promised to take them down as soon as I finished mopping the floor.

With each item that came down from the attic the kids were rushing around just full of happiness.  Sunshine was in the shower while this was taking place so she came out to a huge surprise.  And was just as happy as her brothers.

I even let the kids put the decorations where they wanted which is HUGE for me.

When I look through their eyes, it reminds to see the joy in the ordinary, in the life that I am so blessed to have.

Do people still buy school pictures?  The other day the kids had to take class pictures, and I did the unthinkable for a control freak like me: I told them to wear whatever they wanted.  My goal this year is to control the urge to buy the actual pictures.  In this day of digital cameras, why on earth would I want a school picture with the same lame background used when I was in school?  Yes, I’ve purchased every picture thus far.  Well, that’s not true, I stopped buying high school photos when Squirt started taking mug shots for his photos.

But really, when I have a whole slew of photos of my kids living their lives and memories that come from those photos, why would I waste the money?  The only memory I get from school pictures is “I hate that place, in particular this school.”

Of course, if Snax’s picture is cute, I just may buy his since it’s his first class picture, but other than that, I am not spending the money.  I think.  I will have control.  Because here’s the deal, I don’t even like seeing these photos up in other people’s houses (read my parents and in-laws) because I think to myself there are such better pictures than the ugly class pictures.  So back to the question: do people really pay for those pictures anymore?  And what made me do it in the first place?!

I am in desperate need of a date night.  Lance and Squirt are going to the UFC tonight so I assumed we’d go out last night.  Except Squirt wanted to go out with his friends.  So we didn’t go out.  The past few weeks have been really, really long.  I am starting to feel like the only date nights we get are when we leave town.

Squirt actually went to a club last night.  When I was cleaning up after dinner, he asked if I used to go clubbing when I was his age.  Which just made me laugh.  Of course, I did.  I didn’t go until I was out of high school, but yes we all went.  I loved those days.  I think he’d die if he saw the pictures of those days.  And I’d like to add that I made it home by 12:30.  Even out of high school.  And I had to drive all the way back to Kingwood from 6400 on Richmond.  So really, I have no tolerance when he whines about curfew.

Snax is getting better at completing his work at school.  This week he came home with a stack of papers, and only one sheet had an incomplete.  When I ask him why he doesn’t finish he doesn’t really have an answer.  He knows how to do the work, but for whatever reason, just doesn’t finish.  Maybe he’s tired, maybe he gets bored.  Who knows, it just annoys me that he just doesn’t finish.  But like I said, he’s getting better at finishing.  The other day he came home with a spelling test.  100!!  Just like his brothers.  And I might add that we never reviewed his words.  I didn’t even know he was going to take a test.  It’s displayed on the fridge right now!

So I am doing this book study at my church.  We’re reading The Temperament God Gave You.  I have been very interested in this book for years.  And when the chance came to do a book study, I thought I had to do it.  It would force me to actually read the book and talking with other people might help me understand my own temperament more as well as those around me.  EXCEPT.  I fucking hate group book studies.  Hate them.  In fact, when testing myself over temperament, one of the questions asked about meetings and my response was: I hate them.  Because they are freaking useless. Useless.  There has not been one meeting from PTO to Bible book study that I didn’t start rolling my eyes and think how stupid this was and what a waste of my time this was and how I just wanted to shout, “okay, wtf, make a decision!”  Case in point, this past Friday, we were almost done and I had already reached my limit with these wonderful, nice, holy women, when someone brought up the fact that the Women’s Club was having their fashion show during what was supposed to be our next get together.  For the next 12 minutes we debated whether or not to cancel the meeting so people could maybe attend.  Just maybe attend.  I literally wanted to shoot myself.  Because I have no patience for that.  Nobody would actually step up and say they wanted to attend this fashion show.  I, of course, made it clear that I would not attend.

Which brings me to my point.  My temperament: hmmmm…the downside…not so nice.  To sum it up if I don’t keep myself in balance: I am judgmental with myself and others, (which I didn’t quite agree with about myself until my friend pointed out that I constantly criticize my eating and weight which yes, but isn’t that a girl thing?), am a perfectionist, my nit picking will drive others mad and I can become a cross to those around me.  I am so not kidding about the last line.  Thankfully, I keep myself in check so that I’m not a cross to those around me.  I hope.

My real point, of all the temperament combos of primary and secondary, only mine had such a negative statement regarding their temperament pitfalls.  But like I said, I so keep myself in check.

There’s been this cat hanging out in front of our place for the past few days.  It’s cute if you like cats.  Me?  It’s on my nerves.  It’s loud, it tries to come in the front door, it drives Lola crazy and it won’t go away!  Snax tried to scare it away with his dragons.  Seriously, I couldn’t love this kid more.

For today:: October 17, 2013

Outside my window:: it’s dark.  It’s quiet.  It’s cool outside.  I kind of wish I was outside drinking wine on my patio.  Except I still don’t have patio furniture.  Or any wine at home.

I am listening to:: a couple of boys giggle.  We’ve had some rough brother moments lately, so these giggles bring a smile to my face.  And that lasted all of three minutes before one hit the other.  Sigh.

I am wearing:: boxers and a t-shirt.

I am grateful for:: our priest.  We had the chance to really talk the other day, and it just made me grateful for him.

I am praying for:: my great aunt, a cure for Duchenne MD and patience.

Teaching lessons in:: compassion and what it means to pray for others and to care for them.  Some of my kids are really smart.

Super excited:: we are going to Kansas City for a game.  Snax’s Godfather is head of player personnel there and has been inviting us to visit.  What better game than the Chiefs against Denver.  Early Christmas for me and LZ.

Loving:: that my son still talks about becoming a priest.  To his classmates!!  And not at a parochial school.  He seems so sure of it, and even says he probably won’t date because priests don’t get married.  Sure, he’s young and only God knows if he really has a vocation, but he’s open and that is amazing.

Literally not enough time:: Have I mentioned how much I hate school?  Besides the fact that I don’t get any time with my kids anymore, the thing that we like to do the most, read together, gets pushed to the side.  Every evening it’s a struggle to get 30 minutes of read aloud time.  For a family that is used to at least an hour plus solo reading and reading to mom, 30 minutes just doesn’t cut it.  I don’t understand how we are expected to be at school until 3:15, come home or immediately go to an after school activity, have a snack, do homework, make dinner, check homework, take showers, eat and then read.  Also, each child is expected to read every evening, and Snax is actually supposed to keep a reading journal.  Also, when are my kids supposed to unwind from the day?

On the menu:: it was meatloaf, mashed sweet potatoes and asparagus on Monday.  One child refused to try the meatloaf, super effing annoying.  Not sure what I’m supposed to do about that.  Tuesday it was mahi mahi with cauliflower and green beans, then chicken parmesan for Baby Hulk on Wednesday, grilled chicken tomorrow and burgers on Saturday.  Not too bad of a plan.

Around the house:: with only one child at home during the day, I feel like I should be getting more done.  I am going to make a list and just force myself to do something daily.  This week it’s finishing my monthly plans with books lists and art ideas.  It’s a pretty big project, so that’s it for this week, maybe next.  Well that and the normal upkeep of the house.

Cultivating rhythm:: I think we’re almost there.  Slowly but surely, Sunshine and I are finding a natural rhythm to follow each day.  And it helps.  Now if I can use that rhythm to get some things accomplished around the house.

Living the liturgy:: the past couple of weeks have been amazing.  This week we continue with two special Feasts, St. Terese of Avila, one of my favorite saints, and St. Gerard on Wednesday.  We celebrate a nameday and the special boy has requested parmesan chicken with pumpkin bread.

One of my favorite things:: reading to my kids.  At least, I have Sunshine at home with me.  She loves books as much as the boys.  And she sits for fairly lengthy books.  Her current favorite is Angel in the Waters.  I love board books and will be sad when I have to pack those completely away, but I am so happy that she can sit for 30 minutes while I read to her.

A few plans for the week:: lunch with the boys, storytime at church, reconciliation prep, lunch dates.  Pumpkin decorating with Goose’s class.  And my book study.  I haven’t read, I have no interest in going either.  And I’m so tired, I just want to sleep.

This boy has my heart.  Nine hasn’t been what I would consider the easiest year thus far. He’s getting to that age where he’s not quite as innocent, he hears more things at school that I don’t like and he is just getting older.  Then there is the relationship with his brother that is often troubling.

But at the end of the day, he’s still the sweet boy who wants to snuggle with me, sleep with Snoopy and read nonstop.

When I find him like this, I can’t help but be filled with joy.

Let’s just say I wasn’t in the mood to throw away another shirt.  And thankfully, I can keep these.  I kind of like them.

What a game!  Sure, I had to lock myself in my bedroom for most of the game.  At one point, I had two children shouting “mommy” outside my door.  They took it further and started using a microphone to try and get my attention.  I love those kids, but really???

I had to chase my oldest son out of my room because as someone who has no interest in football, he always brings bad luck.

Then there was my husband telling me to stop cussing so much.  Really???  I was in the privacy of my own bedroom with no kids at that point.

But who cares!!!

After a season of missed tackles, a shitty offense and a coach who just needs to GO…We won.

Won, won, won!!!

Someone on Twitter asked if the Longhorns still wanted to win.  Um, yes.  It’s TX/OU.  We want to effing win.

And to think my kids actually asked to attend their school carnival.  As if.

It’s 10:43 pm and OU still sucks.

:: This week I got a call from Goose’s math teacher.  He was calling from the playground and wanted to let me know that Goose and Baby Hulk had gotten into it.  And that Goose was at the nurse because BH kicked him.  Twice.  And drew blood.  Am I a bad mom that I immediately wondered what asshole thing Goose had done to illicit such a reaction from BH?  Turns out Goose had indeed said something shitty, and BH wasn’t going to stand for it.  I love Goose’s teacher for calling me and having me deal with BH over the phone rather than sending him to the principal.  He also gave BH a little lecture about how Goose would always be his brother and how they needed to get along better.  My last thought on this…wait until Snax joins them on the playground.

:: So my hair dresser totally freaking dumped me.  Has that ever happened to anyone before?  We totally got along during appointments, she would laugh because I wouldn’t wash my hair for a week after she styled it, I sent her a client for coloring and a cut and she sent me a text randomly about how her boyfriend has a man crush on my husband.  Then I try and make an appointment and she totally ignores me.  Like three text messages and a FB DM.  Totally freaking ignores me.  I’m kind of pissed, but at least I have a friend whose hair I love and will now give her guy my money.  I just hope he has wine at his place too.

:: I was going through Baby Hulk’s graded papers and was slightly annoyed to see he got an 80 on something.  I admit, I expect nothing lower than a 90 from him.  I looked over to see the problem, and turns out he left one blank.  The other wrong question asked “how can you tell that a baseball is not the same as a basketball.”  BH’s response: a baseball hurts me more.  She marked it wrong.  Didn’t even put a smile beside his answer, which you have to admit is not only true, but funny as well.  This teacher, not one who jokes much.

:: So Sunshine is finally starting to use the toilet.  I’m very happy about that.  She isn’t a fan of pooping on the toilet though, so I’ve resorted to bribing her.  The other day I told her she could have a donut if she pooped.  She did and then started screaming in my face, “I get a donut.”  Over and over.  Last night, I said she couldn’t get on my bed if she didn’t poop.  (Because she holds it in for days!)  She managed to get one small turd out of her.  Today she wanted cake.  After crying because I wouldn’t give her a piece, she went and pooped and then said, “I get cake.”  I’m not sure how long I can continue to bribe her to poop.

:: It’s 5:53 pm and OU still sucks.

So, it appears I may be learning a huge lesson in detachment as we can’t find Sunshine’s birth pictures on any computer or backup.  I actually still print pictures, but it seems despite having the sweetest pictures from her birth, I never printed any from that day.  I think some major prayers for St. Anthony’s intercession as well as a lot of patience as I go through every single file we have of pictures are going to be necessary.

Speaking of prayers, yesterday was the Feast of the Guardian Angels.  We have several sweet books about the Guardian Angels, our favorite Pascual and the Kitchen Angels.  The prayer…Sunshine can recite it!!  It was so sweet, I started praying it and then she just kept going.  I had no idea.  After reading St. Jerome’s wonderful quote and some other quotes from the Bible, I have found myself relying a bit more on my own angel as well as those of my children.  I didn’t grow up talking about my guardian angel, but it’s pretty amazing to think I’ve had an angel out there watching over me from the beginning.

My great aunt, the 100 year old aunt, is in the hospital.  And so I’m talking to her guardian angel too.  A lot.  I can’t imagine being in the hospital at that age.  Praying really hard that she gets better soon and is back to her home.

So I am getting an alphabet of saints for Sunshine’s birthday/Christmas.  Well, my mom is getting some, my BFF is getting one, and then my dad said he’d buy the rest.  He loves that she loves them and is learning about the Saints.  Hmmm, at 28 per doll, my basket is pretty pricey.  And that doesn’t include saints for U, W or X yet.

Super frustrating to me is not being able to get a copy of this book.  It is such a sweet story, and the kids love it.  Generally it’s checked out at the library, but last year I finally secured a copy.  I decided we needed it for our personal library and ordered it in early September.  Now amazon can’t get a copy for me.

Snax went five weeks and two days without getting a note in his daily folder.  Five weeks!!!

I woke up super early today, as did Baby Hulk.  He’s just sitting on the couch reading next to me.  I love this kid.

And really, this girl, has no shame.  She wants his ice cream so badly!

Sunday marked the beginning of one of the best weeks in the liturgical calendar~The feast of the Arch Angels.  The kids had angel food cake and read about the angels, even taking some time to learn the St. Michael prayer.

Today we read one of our favorite books, St Jerome and the Lion and since he is credited with translating the Bible, everyone picked their favorite Bible story to share, even Sunshine.  Her story was about Moses; she is currently obsessed with Moses.

We’ll have small celebrations throughout the week to honor St. Therese, The Guardian Angels and St. Francis.  I love being Catholic, and all the fabulous saints are one of the reasons.

I read this great quote from St. Jerome today several times.  I think it’s pretty amazing.  Also, he’s the patron of librarians!!  Isn’t that the best???

So valuable to heaven is the dignity of the human soul that every member of the human race has a guardian angel from the moment the person begins to be.

St. Jerome
Doctor of the Church

Happy feasting!

Could there be anything sweeter than a big brother reading to his little sister?