My husband just reminded me that I haven’t posted in a week and then informed me that I should be posting at least three times a week. He sounds like his editor at the Chronicle.

When someone says that you are a “living nightmare”, do you take that as a compliment? Yes, that comment was directed at me tonight. Have I forgiven my husband yet? I’m playing nice, I suppose. He says I am now being scary nice.

In Lance’s defense, I have been a bit difficult to live with lately. I have been so upset about Goose being in school, I have become a different person. I’ve always yelled, but I will admit I am out of control these days. Even Squirt is giving his opinion about homeschooling versus regular school. I think he hopes I’ll shut up if Goose comes home. (Plus, he always loved hearing about what we did in school last year.)

I have been so manic that I skipped daily Mass twice last week because I decided that I would gain nothing from it. Really? Who thinks like that? Who refuses the one place they know they can be healed? Disgusted with myself, I went to my former spiritual guide for help. She is such a wise person and listened to all my negativity about school. She was kind and gentle, but gave me good counsel that I hope to implement. The problem with me is that I have good intentions then something small happens and I lose it.

Today was a perfect example of my human nature. It was a great day, then all of a sudden I started to feel the day slipping by and I hadn’t read with Goose yet. I started feeling frantic and then just freaked out. Squirt couldn’t get out the door fast enough for CCE. The others were begging to go too.

I finally calmed down and read four chapters with Goose just like we used to do together every day: he reads two chapters, I read two chapters. I was happy, I calmed down and apologized and am fine. Until next time.

My goal for this week is to not give my husband a reason to say I am a nightmare! Although one hopes that he keeps it to himself if he feels that way again…

I promise to be positive about school and work with my children so that they get the most out of their educational environments. I owe it to my children and most of all, Lance to give this a try. I know that Lance wants the best for our children. I trust his judgement and hate that I am making him feel like I don’t trust him or that I know best. He loves and cares for our children as much as I do. I have to stop acting like he doesn’t. I will fail, but I am praying nonstop that my failures become smaller each day.