The boys served Easter Vigil mass at what used to be our regular parish.  Since the pandemic, we’ve been back at our parish a total of five times, maybe six.  When churches reopened last summer, I decided we should go because Zoom mass just wasn’t working for our family.  There was fighting, a certain adult checking their phone, a girl who was pious to the point of being annoying, and me mad at everyone for not behaving during mass.

Off we went, honestly we were all pretty happy to be going back to mass in person.  And then we got there and at least a fifth of the people weren’t wearing masks.  We sat away from everyone and when it was time for Communion, we noticed several people still receiving Communion on the tongue despite the instructions from the Cardinal that that wasn’t allowed during that time.  We tried again over the summer, and it was the same.  Lance, Snax and Mason were pretty mad.  They refused to receive Communion and wouldn’t even sit down.  Maybe they were being overly cautious, but at the time, we were all pretty worried about getting Covid.  I had an uncle on a vent and it was pretty scary.

Nobody wanted to go back.

We found another parish and have been going there since this summer.  We know the priest, he’s enforcing the mandates, and it’s been overall really good.

We did go back to our regular parish for gift giving Sunday and Christmas day mass. The boys wanted to serve. I missed it. I know people there.  At our new parish, we don’t know anyone except the priest, plus everyone is wearing a mask. It’s hard to feel at home there right now.  It was fine, but barely anyone was following the mandates.

So when the Triduum was coming, Mason asked if they were serving.  Our new parish hadn’t been using altar servers so I went ahead and signed up for the Vigil at our old parish.  I sent email after email asking about Holy Thursday.  Finally, I found out that they invited certain people to serve.

For the past 17 years, except ’20, I’ve had a son serving on Holy Thursday.  Now it’s ’20 and ’21.

I was so depressed.  There was no reason to invite the boys since they have only served twice in the past year, but it didn’t matter.  I was so upset.  I couldn’t believe they weren’t asked.

This all led to me asking each kid what they wanted to do now that the end is near.  Would they want to go back to our parish or stay?  Lance wants to stay. Snax wants to stay, says he can’t believe how they handled Covid and it made him think less of them.  Mason and Alec don’t care which really frustrates me. Marianna in typical fashion wants to go to both parishes.  Alec is scheduled to be confirmed at our old parish this summer. I feel like I should get to choose because I’m more involved, but I guess that’s not how it works.

On Easter Vigil I took the boys early so that they could serve and found a seat for mass.  There was absolutely no social distancing and all rows were open.  It was just like it was before the pandemic.

It felt weird being back-good and bad.  I miss my priest and his joy when he hands out Communion. But it also didn’t feel like home anymore.

I’m just so angry.  It didn’t have to be like this.

One of the great things about being Catholic is that all the readings are the same no matter where you are.  That has served me well during all of my travels. I always felt like I was at home.

Right now, I just feel lost without a home.