On Fear and Parenting

By | Posted October 22, 2011

Posted in parenting, Squirt | 5 Comments »

The 10 Habits book I read had a couple of other chapters I really liked.  One chapter on love and another on fear.  I really liked both chapters because they focused on realizing you don’t have control over who your children are, who they will become later in life and what might happen to them.

The author suggested cutting your expectations for your children in half and really loving them without conditions.  She also reinforced how little control we really have over our children.  Especially in who they become.  While we influence our children and are their first teachers, we truly don’t have as much to do with who they are in life as we like to think we do.  I found it helpful as I deal with a teen that doesn’t always find it important to turn in assignments on a regular basis and another child who doesn’t always do what I want academic wise either.

I have a lot more to say on the love chapter, (I have to admit I am the person that really needs to cut expectations), but right now I have to focus on the chapter on fear.

I don’t think there is anything scarier in life than raising kids.  To be responsible for another human is daunting.  It scares me to no end.  I don’t want to mess up.  And that is just the regular stuff.  When you start to factor in outside forces, you can really lose your mind.  There are illnesses, random accidents and the messed up people they will encounter.

Today we encountered one of those outside forces.  Someone broke into our home.  At 10:15 this morning.  Squirt was home and heard the noise.  When he came to see what it was about, the guy had just walked in the house.  He mumbled something and turned and left.

So Squirt being home saved our home from being robbed.  BUT HE WAS HOME!  AND SOMEONE BROKE IN THE HOUSE.

He is fine.

He is fine.

I have repeated this to myself all. day. long.

I have cried.  I have come up with what if’s throughout the day.  None of them end well in my head.  But none of those things happened.  

He is fine.  To be honest, he didn’t even realize right away what had happened.  He thought someone was here to work on the house.  Then realized there wasn’t a car and notified the police.

Anything can happen to our children, and most times we have little control over what happens.  I remember six years ago, they told us they thought Squirt had Cystic Fibrosis.  While not the worst disease you can have, it was pretty grim.  We had no control then.

I trusted in God.  I prayed a lot.  He didn’t have CF.  But while waiting on his genetic test results, my mind went all over the place.

It didn’t do any good to think of all the things that could happen back then and it certainly doesn’t do any good to do that today.  I have to do what I can to protect my house.  (NEW LOCKS, asshole thief!) but I can’t allow this amped up fear to take over.  I will go crazy if I do that.  I have to trust that I can handle anything.  It doesn’t mean I want the worst to happen or that dealing with the worst would be easy, it just means my faith will see me through anything.  I know this.

Tonight, I will pray again.  In thanksgiving that my son is safe.  In thanksgiving that my home is safe.  And for peace of mind.  Even though this was only a small step towards a robbery, a man entered my home today.  In broad daylight.  I need some peace.

The good news in all this?  I didn’t yell once today.  Not even when Squirt failed to smile his best for pictures tonight!

I reread this post.  I realize it doesn’t really flow, but what can I say, I’m a mom who is still a bit freaked out.

Comments on On Fear and Parenting

  1. From Jenn:

    Definitely flows. Its voice is the heart of a mother. So thankful that everyone is ok and prayers that God will give each of your His peace.

    • From Nicole:

      Thanks, Jenn. Peace is a good thing.

  2. From JILLY:

    That’s so scary. 🙁 So glad everyone is safe!

    • From Nicole:

      I must admit, I am still freaked out by the whole thing.

  3. From JILLY:

    I would be, too! I was freaked out about my apartment being robbed for MONTHS. And I wasn’t home, and I don’t have kids to worry about! Just felt uneasy.

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